Officer's incredibly small pecker had surprisingly large role in Moats incident
March 30, 2009 by Zaki
An investigation into a March 18 incident involving a Dallas police officer and ex-Eagle Ryan Moats has led the Dallas Police Department to believe the embarrassingly small size of the officer in question’s genitals played a heavy role that night. Moats and his wife were en route to the hospital... [Read more...]
Taschner becomes easiest Phillie to heckle since Mick Mahbaws
March 29, 2009 by Zaki
The Phillies acquired lefthanded relief pitcher Jack Taschner from the Giants on Friday. The soon-to-be 31-year-old brings his career 5.01 ERA in 178 games to Philadelphia and will no doubt suffer the same torment from Phillies fans that outfielder Mick Mahbaws did back in the 1890s. “You hear... [Read more...]
Rebounding optional as Sixers fall to Bobcats
March 28, 2009 by Zaki
Thaddeus Young led all Sixers with a mammoth 7 total rebounds as the Sixers fell to the Bobcats in a woeful Eastern conference matchup between two teams that barely have any business contending for the playoffs. The Sixers appeared to once again shove rebounding down the list of game priorities just... [Read more...]
Lidge approaching Gagne's possible roids-induced saves record
March 27, 2009 by Zaki
Depending on who you talk to, Brad Lidge may sit 10 or 40 saves away from the major league record for most consecutive saves. If the thought of dropping your drawers while another man sticks a needle in your hindmeat gets you all hot and bothered, then Lidge would need 40 more saves to catch Eric Gagne... [Read more...]
5-Hour Energy junkie Braylon Edwards drawing interest from Eagles
March 25, 2009 by Zaki
Once word got out that the Cleveland Browns tried to trade WR Braylon Edwards to the Giants, several teams hopped into the mix to try and land the 5-Hour Energy pitch man. The Eagles are said to be one of the teams interested in the wideout, but they have shown concern over Edwards’ tendency to... [Read more...]
Schilling retirement upstaged by premier of 'Super Baseball Fun Time'
March 24, 2009 by Zaki
No one paid much attention to Curt Schilling’s retirement announcement due to the premier of the Japanese-themed variety show Super Baseball Fun Time featuring hapless baseballers in 9 innings of thrilling, super fun antics. Unfortunately, the highly-anticipated variety show was canceled three... [Read more...]
Cutler starts chain reaction pissing off pretty much every NFL quarterback
March 23, 2009 by Zaki
Jay Cutler’s rift with the Broncos and new head coach Josh McDaniels is more far-reaching than anyone could have anticipated. Cutler’s recent request to be traded has allegedly piqued the Washington Redskins’ interest in the third-year Vanderbilt product, which has in turn angered current... [Read more...]
Stairs, Moyer fighting urge to give wholesome 'back in my day' speech every inning
March 22, 2009 by Zaki
MLB elders Matt Stairs and Jamie Moyer are having a hard time holding back their opinions on the unsettling behavior of the “young punks” around the league. “These guys today are spoiled rotten, plain and simple,” Moyer said on Saturday. “From the way they wear their baggy... [Read more...]
Miller quits denying Richard Pryor comparison, just goes with it
March 21, 2009 by Zaki
Andre Miller has fended off Richard Pryor comparisons ever since his former Cavaliers teammate Bimbo Coles made the obvious discovery back during the 2000-01 season. The Sixers guard finally relented and will fully embrace his likeness to the late, great Pryor by growing out his hair and beard while... [Read more...]
Report: Buckhalter news first of many former Eagle bombshells; L.J. on deck
March 20, 2009 by Zaki
It turns out that the recent accusation by a local drug dealer that former Eagles runningback Correll Buckhalter was one of his clients will be the first of many scandalous nuggets the Eagles will disclose in the coming weeks about their former players. According to a source close to the Eagles, the... [Read more...]
