Officer's incredibly small pecker had surprisingly large role in Moats incident

An investigation into a March 18 incident involving a Dallas police officer and ex-Eagle Ryan Moats has led the Dallas Police Department to believe the embarrassingly small size of the officer in question’s genitals played a heavy role that night.

Moats and his wife were en route to the hospital to be with the wife’s dying mother when they were stopped in the hospital parking lot by Officer Phuhk Phace who thought it might be a good time to harass someone — while their mother lay minutes away from death — about proceeding through a red light with their caution lights on after checking both ways for traffic in the middle of the night.

“I told the officer that my mom was in there dying about 50 times,” said Moats. “But he kept going on and on crying about how little his dick was and how he tried to overcompensate by becoming a cop so he could finally get the respect he knew he didn’t deserve.”

New allegations have also surfaced by the wife of Cowboys linebacker Zach Thomas that Officer Phace handcuffed and jailed her for three hours after making an illegal U-turn in July 2008.

Officer Phace has been placed on administrative leave and will return once his manhood is large enough to handle protecting and serving the public without all of the expert-level douchebaggery.

Zaki is the Chief Rocka and senior writer for PhillyGameday.com.