Antonio Bastardo, aka Ol’ Dirty Bastardo,  aka Tony Bananas, aka Dirt McHurt, aka Super Bastardo, aka Roll Phizzlesteak, aka AB Tha K Specialist, picked up the win in his major league debut against San Diego on Tuesday.

Ol’ Dirty was called up to replace the injured Brett Myers and unleashed his dirtiness on an unsuspecting Padres team with 95 mph heat and his bizarre half-sung, half-rapped lyrics for six innings, allowing only one run while striking out five.

“I got stacks that attack any wack host,” said ‘Ol Dirty of his Tuesday night opponent. “Shame on yuh, when you step through to tha Ol’ Dirty Bastardo.”