Royz II Men – Evolution
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Astros throw away perfectly good Roy Oswalt
The Phillies have acquired All-Star pitcher Roy Oswalt from a Houston curb after he was discarded by the Astros on Wednesday. Though the Astros were reportedly interested in trading the 10-year veteran,... [Read more]
Domonic Brown descends on Citizens Bank Park
According to published reports, the heavens opened up above Citizens Bank Ballpark at approximately 1:14 pm ET, allowing Phillies’ top prospect Domonic Brown to descend onto the playing field. “Behold!... [Read more]
Report: Nachos tasting better after Phillies fire old nacho guy
Ballpark sources indicate that nachos have been tasting a lot better ever since the Phillies fired the old nacho guy last Friday, even though the team continues to use the same nachos from before. The... [Read more]
Several Phillies players call out sick of hitting
The Phillies announced that they will likely be without most of their lineup for tonight’s game against the Cardinals after at least 11 players called out sick of hitting this morning. “You’re... [Read more]
Charlie Manuel hikes pants all the way up
In what might be the worst case of ‘old guy waist’ in recent memory, Phillies manager Charlie Manuel decided to hike his pants all the way up on Monday. “If the kids want to wear their... [Read more]
‘Best Job in U.S.’ awarded to whatever it is Michael Vick does
The Wall Street Journal released its annual list of ‘Best and Worst Jobs’ and whatever it is that Michael Vick does with the Eagles beat out Mathematician for the top spot. “As a convicted... [Read more]
Hello fans! It’s Greg Dobbs, your favorite pinch hitter and corner infielder, ready to fan the flames of the growing “Is Greg Dobbs a Hall of Famer?” debate. Greg Dobbs knows you’re... [Read more]
Horrible Sources: Phillies may trade Werth, may keep him
Incredibly horrible sources indicate that Phillies outfielder Jayson Werth may be traded before the July 31st trading deadline but, according to the same sources, there is also a chance he could stay. Terrible... [Read more]
Runaway slave reports little in common with LeBron James
In response to Jesse Jackson’s comments comparing Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert to a slavemaster and LeBron James to a runaway slave, an actual runaway slave reported Tuesday that he has very little,... [Read more]