Though the jar has several signs attached to it reading “Tips”, “Where my money?” and “Naw, seriously, where my money?”, Jackson downplayed the situation and insists he simply wants to focus on playing football.

“Man, I’m just focused on playing football right now and don’t wanna talk about some tip jar and how I accept any size tip, no matter how small,” Jackson said after Sunday’s 31-13 win over the Rams. “I’m trying to go out there and make plays and if someone likes what they see and wanna put some cash in the jar, then that’s on them. I can’t worry about what other people are doing.”

Jackson scored his first touchdown of the season in the third quarter and proceeded to pick up the tip jar and shake it violently in the air while screaming “Y’all gotta do better than this!”

The Phillies were exploring the trade market for a right-handed outfielder to plug into the middle of the order, but ultimately decided to fill the need internally by calling up Pence.

“Since we already had a guy like [Hunter] Pence in our system, we weren’t forced into trading our top prospects to get a guy like Carlos Beltran or Carlos Quentin,” said Phillies general manager Ruben Amaro. “We’ve been successful in the past by calling up guys like Brad Lidge and Roy Oswalt, so we hope Hunter can keep that success going.”

To make room on the roster, the Phillies sent Jarred Cosart, Jonathan Singleton and Josh Zeid down to Houston, though Amaro said he expects Cosart and Singleton to be back up with the parent club in the next few years.

“I explained to both of those guys that it’s only temporary,” said Amaro. “They’re good players and will be back with us soon enough.”

Burress later downplayed his choice of clothing as he spoke with reporters after spending 21 months in prison.

“I just felt like wearing this uniform today…don’t read too much into it,” Burress said while thumbing through an Eagles playbook. “When I decide what team I want to play for, I’ll let you know.”

The Eagles have yet to publicly express interest in the wide receiver but the team constructed a bronze statue of Burress that will be placed outside of Plaxico Burress Field.

The Phillies current run of four-straight division titles began back on January 15, 2007, when the Phillies re-affirmed their commitment to winning by claiming Greg Dobbs off waivers from the Seattle Mariners.

The rest — as they say — is history.

Greg Dobbs led Philadelphia to its first playoff appearance in 13 years, its first division title in 24 years and its first World Series title in 28 years. Greg Dobbs was enjoying all the success he brought to the team and thought the ride would never end.

But Greg Dobbs was wrong.

On October 28, 2010, the Phillies decided that they didn’t need Greg Dobbs anymore and let Greg Dobbs file for free agency. As you may remember, this move sparked major outrage by the Phillies fanbase, which led to the team signing Cliff Lee two months later in a desperate attempt to replace Greg Dobbs.

Will the signing of Cliff Lee and the formation of the supposed greatest rotation in the history of the game be enough to overcome the loss of Greg Dobbs? Greg Dobbs thinks anything is possible, but Greg Dobbs wouldn’t put his money on it.

Greg Dobbs isn’t very impressed by the offseason moves by the Nationals and Braves and doesn’t think the Mets will still be a team by June, but the Marlins have the one thing that the Phillies don’t have, and that’s Greg Dobbs.

A fifth division title isn’t out of the question for the Phillies and Greg Dobbs has definitely seen stranger things happen before, but Greg Dobbs would definitely recommend trading for Greg Dobbs at some point during the season if the team is still committed to winning games.

Hopefully the Phillies will at least stay competitive this season, but without Greg Dobbs, Greg Dobbs just doesn’t see that happening.

“We love working for you all, we love our owners, we love you guys very much, but at the same time, we need some equal opportunity here, and stop treating us basically like NFL players,” the slave said during the Tuesday interview. “We deserve better than that.”

The slave said this morning that the comments came off wrong and that he in no way meant to imply that slavery is anything like what an NFL player has to endure.

“I want to apologize for the bad choice of words. It was a dumb thing to say,” the slave said. “I represented the family I was taken from in the wrong way. I’m sorry for those choice of words and if I’ve offended anyone, please forgive me. NFL servitude is a real problem in the U.S. and it wasn’t my intention to demean their plight in any way.”

In an effort to try and make up for his comments, the slave went on to say he plans on working for the next 50 years so he can donate $3 to help end NFL servitude.

“The players may be locked out of the NFL right now, but the flavor is definitely locked in our delicious hamburgers!” commissioner Roger Goodell said during a Tuesday press conference. “Don’t labor another minute! Visit any of our 32 locations for family fun at a collective bargain! You definitely won’t leave the table disappointed!”

Goodell also announced that the Fuddruckers wait staff could face a potential lockout if the two sides cannot agree that 100% of everyone’s tips belong to the NFL.

The texts come a day after it was reported that Werth declared his hatred for the Phillies, though the texts tell a different story.

“i didnt meen taht stuf abt hatin u babby,” read one text. “pleeeeez tkae me bak…godd im soo wassted.”

Other texts ranged from begging and apologies to drunken gibberish.

“aaaaaaaa!!!! i luuuuuuv the Biebs!!”

“wwhy did i tkae da moniies?!?!”

“omg..ths couhc feels llike hevens”

“natoinals smels like feeet….tehy r so badd”

“i missss winnnin wit u…god times”

“wat do u c n lee taht u dont c n me??!#?”

“sweeeet!!!?! hammm sanwihc”

“its not 2 laet 2 change…..i can chaeng babby”

“ths chic ovr heer is chekn me out rite now…..u jelus?!”

“im sso hapyy i took teh moniies”

“ooooo philles u stand by me….im forever urs fathfulyyyyyy….luve taht songg”

“aaaaaaejkqhj329kndjk…..”

Werth would later leave a drunken voicemail message with the Phillies asking if the team wants its ring back.

An audio recording was released Wednesday night — just hours after Eagles quarterback Michael Vick canceled his scheduled appearance on Winfrey’s show — with what appears to be Winfrey’s voice laughing for 34 seconds before issuing orders to “take them out.”

“Let this serve notice to everyone else that no one cancels on Oprah,” said the voice on the recording. “Oprah cancels you! (laughter)”

Vick, who was in Newport News, VA at the time of the invasion, immediately re-scheduled his interview with Winfrey, which will cover Vick’s time in prison, his work with the Humane Society, his return to the NFL and precipitating the worst act of violence on American soil.

“Watch, if you go to five random games this year, you’ll get Joe Blanton every time,” your friend reported. “You literally have zero chance of watching the other four guys pitch. None.”

The Phillies released a statement apologizing ahead of time for what will inevitably happen to you this season and would offer you free tickets, but you would likely just see Joe Blanton pitch again.

“The odds of Joe Blanton starting a game are currently at about 19%, but unfortunately, when you purchase a ticket to watch a game, those odds balloon to 100%,” the statement read. “We can’t quite explain why this happens right now, but rest assured that it will happen. All we can do is apologize and suggest that you just enjoy what Joe has to offer.”

Another report suggests that there is at least a small chance that you may see Cole Hamels pitch, but since you have already seen him pitch 800 times, that really isn’t much of a consolation.

Experts also warned that if you decide not to attend a game where Joe Blanton is scheduled to pitch, there is a 100% chance that Cliff Lee will actually start that game and throw a perfect game.

“I just went into the game like any other,” said Briere, who was responsible for four of the Flyers’ five goals and the decapitation of an opposing player. “It wasn’t until I scored the goal that I knew I had something extra in the tank. Then I ripped that guy’s head off and realized this All-Star stuff was kinda getting to me a little. I’m gonna go ahead and apologize for doing that, by the way. My bad.”

Briere, who is currently tied for sixth in the NHL with 22 goals, could miss the remainder of the season after being charged with manslaughter on Wednesday.