Sixers pass on Johnson, hire Eddie ‘Facepalm’ Jordan as new head coach

The 76ers put an end to their coaching search on Friday by passing on the funneh tawkin’ Avery Johnson to hire Eddie Jordan, close buddy of Sixers GM ‘Special’ Ed Stefanski.

In just over five seasons with the Wizards, Jordan led his team to a very Sixers-like .467 winning-percentage, but with far better talent than the Sixers have had recently.

“I’m looking forward to a new start here in Philadelphia,” said Jordan on Saturday. “I know how pumped everyone is about the coming season, so I’ll do my best to meet their sky-high expectations.”

DiLeo politely gives two-week notice; Hunt for future ex-Sixers coach begins

Interim head coach Tony DiLeo will not return to coach the Sixers next season and will instead return to his former position of senior vice president/assistant general manager.

Though DiLeo gave his two-week notice on Monday, everyone in the Sixers organization knows that he’s probably just going to phone it in and surf the net all day for the next two weeks.

“I made the decision not to come back because I wanted to spend more time with my family,” said DiLeo on Monday. “That assistant GM title is just front office speak for ‘chillax and watch basketball’ and will allow me the free time I need.”

The Sixers have already begun their post-Dileo-era head coach search.  Eddie Jordan, Doug Collins and — hopefully, based on potential for satire — Avery Johnson have been named as possible replacements in the early going.