“We’re trying to be respectful by asking him politely to fuck off and find another team,” Cashman said of Jeter, who stands 74 hits away from 3,000 for his Hall of Fame career. “We want nothing to do with the little shit, but he’s too much of a loser to see that.”

Cashman said that if Jeter is still hanging around here tomorrow and hasn’t found a new team to annoy the fuck out of, things could get pretty ugly.

“When I was told that my services were no longer needed with the Yankees, it was a little tough to take,” Abreu said. “They gave me some garbage about wanting to slash payroll, but then they go spend a half a billion dollars in about a month. The next thing I know, I’m at home updating my resume and posting it on CareerBuilder.com.”

When asked why he’s finding it hard to find a job this offseason, he said “I don’t know, really. I can still hit doubles…doesn’t anyone like doubles anymore?”

Paul Byrd, another former Phillie and current unemployed ballplayer, was spotted on Monday in front of Citizens Bank Ballpark with a sign reading “Will do old-timey windup and Kelsey Grammer impersonation for food.”