Cards had no intention of trading Boldin, just wanted the attention
According to the obvious behavior by the Arizona Cardinals, the team had zero intention of trading star wide receiver Anquan Boldin this whole time and instead just wanted to milk their 15 minutes of fame before they inevitably sink back into the NFL’s cesspool.
Early reports indicated that the Eagles had offered Sheldon Brown and a third round pick for Boldin on draft weekend, though now it appears the Eagles could have offered every first round pick for the next 20 years and the entire lineup from GirlsofPhilly.com and they still wouldn’t have let Boldin go.
“You have no idea what it’s like being the league’s doormat,” said Cardinals GM Rod Graves. “We finally got a taste of the big time and we’ll go down kicking and screaming before we give that up. It was just so nice to be mentioned in actual real life news for once instead of YouTube clips or not being recognized at all. Please don’t make us go back there!”
Victorino powers Phils back to first place in rare start-from-ahead win
Shane Victorino fell a triple short of the cycle and extended his hitting streak to 14 games in just the third start-from-ahead Phillies win this season. The win over the Cardinals propelled the Phils a half game ahead of the Marlins to take over first place in the NL East.
Victorino was 4-for-5 for the night and hit a start-ahead solo home run in the first inning. He finished with three runs scored, knocked in three more and made a death-defying catch with the bases loaded saving at least 11 runs … and possibly the world.
“I just try to be the best I can out there,” Victorino said. “I don’t go out there trying to save the game or the world from near destruction … it just sort of happens.”
The Phils are set to start a two-game set against the Mets, who have yet to be confirmed as a “team to beat” due to their losing record and the simple fact that they’re just not — and will never be — the Philadelphia WFC Phillies.
Chan Ho Park will try and end his streak of quality Eatons (n. – giving up so many runs that you force your entire team to work twice as hard to make up for your lack of pitching ability) as he faces Johan Santana on Wednesday.
Cardinals deny hiring outside help to try and unload Boldin before draft
Early reports from ESPN’s Sal Paolantonio indicated that the Cardinals were willing to lower their asking price for star receiver Anquan Boldin. Rumors elsewhere suggested that the Cardinals had hired an outside agent to try and unload the wideout before Saturday’s NFL Draft.
It now appears as if each of the reports were fabricated — or at least one of them — as the Cardinals have denied any change in their stance on trading Boldin.
“We are still open to trading Anquan, but this stuff about hiring Sleazy Pete to unload him for us is nonsense,” said Cardinals GM Rod Graves. “If Pete is trying to push Anquan for us, we definitely didn’t put him up to it. But…umm…he didn’t happen to mention anything about actually being able to dump him…did he?”
Boldin to Eagles talks stall after revelation that the WR may actually improve team
The Arizona Cardinals announced Wednesday that they are willing to listen to trade offers for their Pro Bowl wide receiver Anquan Boldin. The Eagles were rumored to be interested in Boldin, but the team’s interest may be dying because of the wideout’s hefty price tag and the unfortunate, yet inevitable rise in the standings they may experience as a result of acquiring him.
“The Eagles are a business…and it wouldn’t make sense for us to put a better team on the field when we’re selling out every game,” said Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie. “It’s sickening to think about throwing away money on a guy like Boldin just to win a Super Bowl…yeah…see…I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”
The division rival New York Giants are another team interested in Boldin’s services to fill the void left by the release of Plaxico Burress earlier this month. Several media outlets also have the Giants close to acquiring Browns wide receiver Braylon Edwards.
“With the Redskins going out and getting [Albert] Haynesworth, the Cowboys improving their team ten-fold by dropping [Terrell] Owens and if the Giants pull off a trade for one of these wide receivers, we might be in trouble in our division,” said Brian Westbrook. “I know that letting Dawk, Tra and Runyan go, stocking up on 12 draft picks and maintaining all that cap space is all a part of the plan, though. That means they’re just setting up to make a big move here at some point…right?”
Prank has McNabb missing Philly fans
Two Arizona Cardinals fans were arrested after vandalizing the Arizona home of Eagles Quarterback Donovan McNabb. Rex Michael Perkins and Ryan Hanlon poured diesel fuel on McNabb’s lawn to spell out “Go Kurt” and “Go Cards” but it was a cardboard sign reading “Go Cards” and “Beat Philly” left in the yard that led police to the home of the criminal masterminds. The sign also featured a sticker with the home address of one of the men, both of their social security numbers, ATM pin numbers and a line reading “taxes r 4 suckerz.”
“As much as I would love to be able to team up with a freak of a player like [Larry] Fitzgerald when my contract is up, I can’t play in front of fans that don’t know how to get away with a simple prank,” Donovan McNabb said. “The police still haven’t figured out who used to leave a lit bag of dog [expletive] on my doorstep in New Jersey every Friday night for like five years straight. Philly fans definitely know how to prank.”