Chan Ho Park takes less money to play with the Yankees

What just happened here?

Chan Ho Park reportedly turned down a one-year, $3.25 million contract from the Phillies earlier in the offseason and is now saying he has signed with the Yankees for $1.2 million? Roy Halladay takes less money so he can come to Philly and win a championship while Chan Ho skips town for less money.

I guess he feels like he has a better shot of winning a ring with the Yanks in 2010, but I’d sure like to figure out the real reason why he’d turn down $2 million just to play with the Yankees, who had missed the playoffs the year before.

My theory is that his heart still lies in Philly and is willing to accept less money to sabotage the Yankee bullpen…from within. He’s a narc. He’ll gain the trust of the Yankee faithful all season, then give up back-to-back gopher balls to Chase and Ryno to win Game 7 of the 2010 World Series. Only thing is, we now have Jose Contreras, a former Yankee, on our squad who could very well be on the inside for the Yanks.

Or Chan Ho could just be some sicko that gets his kicks by playing ball in New York. Either way, thanks for the solid 2009 and we all wish you all the worst in 2010 while with the Yankees. You sick bastard. And I mean that in the most respectable way.

Phils learn dangers of taking Chan Ho in large doses; Happ replaces Park in rotation

Charlie Manuel and the Phillies learned the hard way that it’s best to take Chan Ho Park in small, one- to three-inning doses out of the bullpen.

It’s been well documented that teams using Chan Ho in larger doses run the risk of astronomical ERAs, fainting and severe swelling in the loss column.

“We knew what the instructions on the back of the bottle were,” said Rich Dubee. “But we thought that was just a recommendation. Now we know the dangers of Chan Ho abuse . . . and knowing is half the battle.”

J.A. Happ will take Park’s spot in the rotation and will start against the Yankees this weekend.

Victorino powers Phils back to first place in rare start-from-ahead win

Shane Victorino fell a triple short of the cycle and extended his hitting streak to 14 games in just the third start-from-ahead Phillies win this season. The win over the Cardinals propelled the Phils a half game ahead of the Marlins to take over first place in the NL East.

Victorino was 4-for-5 for the night and hit a start-ahead solo home run in the first inning. He finished with three runs scored, knocked in three more and made a death-defying catch with the bases loaded saving at least 11 runs … and possibly the world.

“I just try to be the best I can out there,” Victorino said. “I don’t go out there trying to save the game or the world from near destruction … it just sort of happens.”

The Phils are set to start a two-game set against the Mets, who have yet to be confirmed as a “team to beat” due to their losing record and the simple fact that they’re just not — and will never be — the Philadelphia WFC Phillies.

Chan Ho Park will try and end his streak of quality Eatons (n. – giving up so many runs that you force your entire team to work twice as hard to make up for your lack of pitching ability) as he faces Johan Santana on Wednesday.

Park lands in rotation with help from South Korean TV viewers

The Phillies informed Chan Ho Park that he would be the team’s fifth starter in the rotation on Tuesday.

Park signed with the Phillies this past offseason with the understanding that he would be able to earn a spot in the rotation. Pitching in the rotation would allow his countrymen in South Korea to know ahead of time when to catch him on television — as opposed to being faced with the unimaginable prospect of having to to watch every Phillies game and hope he gets in the game as a reliever.

“If I didn’t have mad fans back home, I wouldn’t care about starting and Happ would probably be the fifth starter,” said Park. “If I don’t start, all they get to see on TV is Cha Seung Baek and Shin-Shoo Choo, man. I can’t do that to my boys back home.”

The decision now means that Phillies prospect J.A. Happ will either be moved to the bullpen or sent to Triple-A Lehigh. He also pitched well this spring, but ultimately couldn’t draw a large enough TV audience from his hometown of Spring Valley, IL to remain in contention.

“We really like Happy, but we couldn’t just promise something to Park and not deliver,” said Manuel. “Our original plan was to sign Park and hope he stunk it up enough this spring to put him in the bullpen and use Happy in the rotation, but Park screwed all that up by actually getting people out.”

The Phillies also released outfielder Geoff Jenkins coincidentally on the same day the Detroit Tigers released righthanded power-hitting outfielder Gary Sheffield. The Phils had been hunting for a righthanded power-hitting bat to come off of the bench and needless to say, Ruben Amaro was in contact with Sheffield’s folks within seconds of his release.

Kendrick's philanthropy hurting chances of joining rotation

Kyle Kendrick continued his charity work on the mound by giving up eight earned runs in only three innings today against the Braves. The two-year vet is currently battling for the final spot in the Phillies rotation with Chan Ho Park, J.A. Happ and Carlos Carrasco, but it appears he is more interested in helping others get through this rough economy.

“I thought about how I could either pitch my butt off this spring and win a job, or I could let a couple guys tee off on me and help them earn jobs,” Kendrick said following Wednesday’s outing. “I’ve got a couple more starts to prove I’m capable of getting fringe minor leaguers out. In the meantime, if I have to give up two homers to a guy that hit one all last season [Clint Sammons] to help him earn a living, then I’m happy to help.”