Eagles give Kiper 'F' for job well done, take Maclin and McCoy on day one

Early draft grades were being dealt out by any and every self-appointed NFL analyst on Saturday night in judgment of teams’ first two rounds.

The consensus among the national talking heads is that the Eagles struck relative gold with their first-round pick of Jeremy Maclin and their late second-round selection of LeSean McCoy. However, no one really cares what they think anyway because a coked-up spider monkey  could do their job.

No one imagined that Maclin would ever be available anywhere near the Eagles’ pick at 21 because the hype machine’s (a.k.a ESPN) Todd McShay and Mel Kiper guaranteed the receiver would be taken somehwhere in the first ten picks.

“It’s a good thing we don’t pay any attention to any of the mock drafts or big-haired hired heads,” said Eagles GM Tom Heckert.  “It must be a sweet job though, to make predictions for a living and then give others ‘Fs’ when your predictions fail miserably.”

Fruitless all-nighter may force Eagles to just go with McShay's mock, take Moreno

All indicators point to the Eagles being able to select running back Knowshon Moreno with the 21st pick in Saturday’s NFL Draft. Howevah, with the team’s long history of trading out of the first round and abstaining from first-round running backs, fans are becoming increasingly skeptical that Moreno will become an Eagle.

The Eagles have reportedly elected to take the “fantasy draft/college finals” approach this year by procrastinating for the upcoming draft and pulling all-nighters on Thursday and Friday.

“We just found out [Joe] Banner got pantsed almost every day by his High School football team, so obviously nothing got done last night outside of the endless ripping,” said Andy Reid. “We’ll try to get something done tonight, but realistically we’re looking at either going in there with [Todd] McShay’s mock, or just wingin’ it like we always do. It’s not that hard anyway…just keep trading down, don’t pick a running back…standard Eagles stuff.”