Iverson’s left knee announces retirement from rest of body

After having two procedures to drain fluid from its arthritic body, Allen Iverson’s left knee has decided to call it quits. After 13 grueling seasons, Iverson’s body has clearly taken a beating, but this is the first indication of surrender from an individual body part. The former MVP’s left knee insists it can still compete at the highest level, but this decision will afford it more quality time with its anatomical family and friends, chiefly Iverson’s elbow and shoulder.

“I always thought that when I left the game, it would be because I couldn’t help Allen the way that I was accustomed to,” said the desolate knee. “However, that is not the case. I’m still as capable as his right knee and believe I can compete with the best knees in the NBA.”

Although Iverson, along with his left knee, missed the last two games, he insists he can coerce his knee to returning.

“My left knee spent some regrettable time in Detroit and Memphis followed by a month long vacation on my couch, but now we are home,” said Iverson. “My right knee has recognized this opportunity…there is no reason my left won’t.”

Iverson parts with Super Shot game over playing time

Just days after officially leaving the Memphis Grizzlies, Allen Iverson has now parted ways with the Super Shot basketball game at Dave & Buster’s, citing a lack of consistent playing time for his decision.

“I was in there rollin’ cats up on the Super Shot and somebody comes up tryin’ to say I gotta step aside and let some little kid play or somethin’,” Iverson said on Wednesday. “I’m like ‘Is he for real?’ How you gonna ask an MVP to step aside and let somebody else play? How many scoring titles do these little bad ass kids have? They ever been to the Olympics? The whole thing was really disrespectful, so I got the hell outta there.”

According to one Dave & Buster’s employee, Iverson wasn’t rolling cats up at all and had actually lost at least 30 consecutive games to six different players. Eventually, the employee stepped in to suggest that Iverson just go home and stop embarassing himself.