Tom Brady to endorse new tampon for men wearing UGGs
Just days after announcing an endorsement deal with UGG Australia, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady has signed on with Kotex to promote a new brand of tampons designed specifically for men that choose to wear UGGs out in public.
Kotex will make Brady the new face of Kotex for men wearing UGGs, urging men wearing UGGs everywhere to “stop being so damn shy about [their] vaginas” and that “[you've] only got one [vagina], so make sure you take care of it with new Kotex for men wearing UGGs,” according to a Kotex press release.
“We couldn’t think of a better person to align with our product with than Tom Brady, who has worn UGGs for quite a while and is already very familiar with our line of tampons, pads and liners,” said Kotex spokesperson Carmen Firestone. “We want Tom to let the world know that tampons are not just for women anymore. They are also for hard-working men that want to pay upwards of $200 to wear soft, comfortable women’s shoes.”
Citing a need to cut down on any further endorsements and focus more on his career, Brady has reportedly rejected a deal to promote the National Football League.
ESPN launches network, website analyzing Belichick decisions
The fierce, round-the-clock scrutiny by ESPN analysts over Bill Belichick’s 4th-and-2 call has finally prompted the network to launch an affiliated 24-hour Bill Belichick network and website so they can finally stop talking about this crap on Sportscenter.
ESPN Belichick and ESPNBelichick.com will feature vomit-inducing over-analysis of every decision made by the Patriots coach, from game calls to choosing between looking like a bum or a total bum on the sidelines.
“Bill Belichick is the premier head coach in the premier sports league in the premier country on the premier planet of our galaxy,” said Sportscenter anchor Robert Flores. “I’m pretty sure the most important person in our galaxy deserves at least one channel and a website, so this is the least we could do.”
Not everyone is pleased with the all-Belichick network and many have questioned why Belichick’s 4th-and-2 call was given so much attention in the first place.
“Belichick makes one questionable decision during a game and all the sudden he gets his own network,” Eagles head coach Andy Reid noted on Tuesday. “I consistently make at least three bad decisions before I even get out of bed in the morning and at least six dozen during the first quarter alone. That’s gotta be worth something, I think.”