Thousands flee as obnoxious Saints fans hit New Orleans

Much of New Orleans has been destroyed after a drunken orgy of Saints fans ripped through the city late Sunday night, leveling everything in its path.

Hundreds of thousands managed to evacuate the city before it was pummeled, but others were left behind and watched as their beloved city was reduced to rubble.

“It was just awful! The beads! There were so many beads!” said Jason Eckert, a Who Dat survivor. “I thought it was over for a minute, but I realized I was just in the eye of the Who Dat…and it was only gonna get worse.”

New Orleans is now faced with the daunting task of rebuilding its historic city, though many have already wondered if it’s worth the effort.

“The Saints could just win it again next year, and we’d lose everything all over again,” said New Orleans resident Jesse Tolliver. “That football team is one of the worst things to ever happen to this city.”

Brett Favre may return next season as Peyton Manning

Following Sunday’s loss to the New Orleans Saints, Vikings quarterback Brett Favre wasted no time in announcing his intentions to return to the NFL next season, hopefully as Colts quarterback Peyton Manning.

“There will be no retirement this year. I’m definitely coming back,” Favre said during his post-game conference. “There’s an outside chance I could come back with the Vikings, but I’d really like to just be Peyton Manning next year. I think I’ve gone about as far as I’m gonna go as Brett Favre, so my only shot at winning another Super Bowl is to return as Peyton Manning, somehow. That’s the goal.”

Favre also mentioned that he would consider a return as Drew Brees if the Saints were to win the Super Bowl, “but that probably won’t happen, so we’ll cross that bridge if we get there.”