Special red carpet finally allows Manny to ditch spikes

Manny Ramirez’s dream of finally being able to play baseball in his tube socks has become a reality now that MLB’s drug policy has encouraged red carpet treatment for outed steroid users.

Ramirez was cheered on by fans during his minor league ‘rehab assignment’ upon return from his 50-game suspension. When he finally re-joined the Dodgers, Fox took it upon themselves to interrupt their broadcast of the Phillies and Mets to showcase each of Ramirez’s at bats against the Padres. Then there’s the Steve Phillips incident where the failed Mets GM-turned-failed-analyst gushed over how big Ramirez was during a workout session.

MLB eventually approved the red carpet for Ramirez to show their gratitude for enduring the 50-game suspension and setting the example for why it doesn’t pay to take steroids, make a ton of money, get caught, get cheered on by fans you never knew existed, play for a couple more years and retire on a beach somewhere.