Report: Jobless, insomniac Phils fans kind of enjoying NLDS
Major League Baseball didn’t know what to expect with the midday and late-night start times for NLDS games between the Phillies and Rockies, so the league was overjoyed to hear that such a large contingent of jobless and insomniac Phillies fans had turned out to watch the past three games.
Approximately 17 fans across the Tri-state area have been able to watch each game live in its entirety, thrilling MLB’s Commissioner, Bud Selig.
“With the Yankees, Red Sox and LA teams in the playoffs, it’s been hard to get our reigning World Champs in a decent time slot,” said Selig on Monday. “But going up against Sunday Night Football and Jet Li’s The One, I’m more than pleased with the 15 or so people that stayed with us.”
Ryan Howard’s sacrifice fly in the top of the ninth and Brad Lidge’s save-ish-thing gave the Phils the 6-5 win and a 2-1 series lead. This information comes from a local jobless insomniac, Joe Costello, who was among the handful of people awake enough to record the game’s happenings.
“I definitely stayed up to watch the whole game, but…you know, what the hell else am I gonna do?” said Costello, who was one of the 17 fans that were also able to see the first two games without taking a three-hour lunch break or getting fired altogether. “It’s gonna suck when the Phils start playing at normal times. It was pretty nice having people envy me again.”
The Phillies will take on the Rockies tonight for Game 4 at a more-Godly hour of 6:00 pm ET.
Manuel: I trust my bullpen, just not around my wife or a baseball
Charlie Manuel answered questions on Friday about his decision to go with potential Game 3 starters Joe Blanton and J.A. Happ out of the bullpen after Cole Hamels — who apparently couldn’t wait until February to knock his wife up — left after five innings in the 5-4 loss to the Rockies.
Some have said Manuel brought in his starters because he no longer trusts anyone out of the bullpen.
“Everybody says I don’t trust my bullpen and that’s just not true,” Manuel said. “Just because I don’t want them anywhere near my wife or to pitch in a game ever again doesn’t mean I don’t trust them with other things…like driving to the ballpark and dressing themselves.”
Though Blanton and Happ’s use in Game 2 doesn’t prevent either from starting Game 4, it does mean that Pedro Martinez will start for the Phillies on Saturday for Game 3. It also means that Kyle Kendrick and/or Brad Lidge’s spot on the playoff roster could have been filled by John Mayberry Jr., who could have pinch run on Thursday instead of risking Cliff Lee with the game on the line.
Manuel also suffered a mild stroke in the seventh inning when he was forced to bring in Scott Eyre to replace Happ, who took a line drive off of the leg and had to leave the game.
“It’s not that I won’t use the guys from the ‘pen,” Manuel explained on Friday. “They’re just last on my list after I’ve used the starters and asked all 46,000 or so fans if they want to take a crack at it first.”
Lee unavailable for Game 2 after clutch nine-inning save
It appears the question of who the Phillies’ playoff closer will be was answered yesterday as Charlie Manuel called upon Cliff Lee in the first inning to close out Game 1 against the Rockies.
Manuel’s hunch paid off as Lee dominated for nine innings in relief, giving up only one run in the final frame as he closed the door for the Phillies in a 5-1 victory.
“Cole [Hamels] was ready to start the game,” Lee said after the game. “But with the score knotted at zero in the top of the first, I guess Charlie didn’t want to take any chances.”
Lee will not be available to pitch in Thursday’s Game 2 matchup and will likely sit out Game 3 as well, due to being overextended on Wednesday. This means Manuel will have a tough decision to make should Hamels throw an incomplete game on Thursday.
“If Cole can go out there and give me nine innings, that would make my job a lot easier,” Manuel said. “If we have to dip into the bullpen, I’m just gonna go with what the gut tells me. Right now it’s tellin’ me Cole should just go ahead and throw nine innings.”
Procrastinating Phils finally get around to clinching division
The Philadelphia Phillies clinched their third straight NL East title after putting it off for the past week by spending entirely too much time on Failblog and Hulu-ing those old episodes of It’s Always Sunny they missed.
“It was rough, man,” Ryan Howard said of the Phillies’ late-season procrastination. “As much as we wanted to secure our spot and get it over with, someone would send out an email about a funny video and by the time you start looking at all the related videos, you look up and it’s the ninth inning and you’re down by like 10. At that point, you just try again the next day, but then Chase [Utley] starts talking about how Journey is the greatest band of all time, which starts a three-hour-long debate and you end up in the same place as yesterday.”
The Phils finally pulled it together on Wednesday to down the Astros 10-3, though technically the team clinched the division a few minutes before the game ended due to Atlanta losing on an epic Matt Diaz baserunning error to end the game against the Marlins.
In a moving gesture to once again prove his commitment and eternal love for Brad Lidge, Charlie Manuel called on the team’s pseudo-closer to record the final out of the 10-3 route in a non-save situation. Lidge warmed up for about five minutes and threw one pitch to Lance Berkman, who grounded out to Ryan Howard at first base to end the game.
“Any other guy would have left me by now, but Charlie isn’t just any other guy,” Lidge said after the game. “We pledged our lives to one another when I signed here and I’m blessed to be able to have him right by my side no matter how badly I screw up. I’m definitely one of the lucky ones.”
The Phillies also paid a fitting tribute to the late Harry Kalas by embracing the HK sign in left field after the game. Harry is still very much a part of this team and I personally hope the Phillies are able to pay the greatest tribute to him by rolling down Broad Street one more time, in his honor. Go Phils!
Marlins fan wondering why guy is sitting this close
Marlins fan Pat Gershman spent much of Tuesday’s doubleheader between the Marlins and Phillies trying to figure out why this guy chose to sit so close to him.
“I really can’t figure out why he would sit there,” said Gershman. “He’s got 40,000 other seats to choose from and this d-bag sits a few seats away. It’s just unreal.”
Gershman briefly thought about moving to another section in the 5th inning of Game 1, but elected to stay put since, you know, he was there first.
“It’s in the rules,”said Gershman, referencing the figuritive book of conduct in a completely empty baseball stadium. “He’s breaking about ten other rules, too. Like what kind of self-respecting, grown man wears a glove to a baseball game? Complete violation.”
Phillies continue success with runners in seated position
In recent games, Phillies batters have come through in fine fashion with runners firmly planted on the dugout bench.
The success with runners in seated position (RISeP) has helped carry the team while they continue to lay eggs with runners actually on base.
“I think we owe our seated position success to our love of staying seated,” Ryan Howard explained on Saturday. “We try and put as many solo home runs on the board as possible so as not to burden our teammates with standing adrift on a base somewhere with nothing to do. What you may call failing in the clutch, we call helping out a friend.”
Manuel elevates Madson’s official role to ‘bullpen janitor’
Charlie Manuel rewarded Ryan Madson’s efforts in Tuesday’s win over the Nationals by giving him a special role for the remainder of the season as the bullpen’s designated orderly.
In his new role, Madson will shadow the team’s current closer, Brad Lidge, to tidy up any mess left behind as well as change an occasional bedpan.
“When Charlie pulled me into his office yesterday, I thought he was going to name me the team’s new closer,” Madson said on Wednesday sporting his new uniform with clip-on ID badge. “But he just said Lidge is still our best option and handed me this mop and a can of toilet bowl cleaner.”
Madson bailed out Lidge and the Phillies by recording the final two outs with the bases loaded against two of the better hitters in the National League in Ryan Zimmerman and Adam Dunn.
“It was one of those situations that shows you’ve got the stuff to close out the tough games,” Madson said of his performance. “But as much as I’d love to continue this interview, Brad just shat the bed again. Duty calls.”
Lidge confident Manuel will regain form at some point
Brad Lidge came out once again on Monday to throw his full support behind Charlie Manuel in hopes that the manager will find his ’08 form and finally pull him as the Phillies closer.
“Charlie was on top of his game last year,” said Lidge. “I would’ve been gone in June if this was ’08 Charlie. This year is a totally different story and here we are in September dealing with him struggling to make the right decision. I think he just needs more time though.”
Lidge blew his 10th save on Saturday, allowing two runs in the bottom of the ninth against the Astros. The closer now has an 0-7 record and a 7.15 ERA in 57 appearances, easily setting the mark for the worst season of any closer in the history of both Major and Little League Baseball.
“That’s my guy, come hell or high water,” Manuel said of Lidge on Monday with his head more than halfway submerged in the sand. “If you just take away his bad outings, he’s been a solid pitcher this season and that’s what we have to focus on…to keep from pulling out my hair and rocking in the fetal position all day and night at least.”
Several Phillies caught panhandling for offensive help
A small group of downtrodden Phillies gathered outside of Citizens Bank Park on Thursday to beg for hitting tips to help them through recent hard times at the plate.
Raul Ibanez, who batted .193 with four RBIs in 24 August games, seemed to be the most aggressive among the group of panhandlers.
“Please, I’ll take anything you got right now,” Ibanez said nervously scratching his neck. “You’re telling me you can’t spare a bunt single? Not even a Texas-Leaguer? I know you at least have a couple nubbers you can give me. I’m desperate, baby.”
While Jayson Werth just ended a very productive August in which he hit .284 with seven homers, most of that production has come with the Phils already in the lead or with no one on base.
The All-Star rightfielder joined Ibanez for much of the day outside the ballpark trying to wash car windows for spare clutch hits.
“Most people just told me to [expletive] off,” Werth said. “I just hope they never have to deal with not knowing where or when your next clutch RBI is going to come. It’s a hopeless feeling.”
Back from completely-abled list, Hamels shuts down Giants
Cole Hamels returned to the mound after a five-month hiatus to allow only two hits in a complete game shutout against the Giants.
Hamels, who also struck out nine in the win, spent the past five months on the completely-abled list with undisclosed wellness.
“There wasn’t anything wrong with the guy,” said Charlie Manuel. “He was healthy and fully able to pitch but almost felt a little too good after we won the World Series. We had no choice but to CL him.”
The Phils will look for more of the same success from the lefthander as he works his way back after the long layoff.