Boldin to Eagles talks stall after revelation that the WR may actually improve team
The Arizona Cardinals announced Wednesday that they are willing to listen to trade offers for their Pro Bowl wide receiver Anquan Boldin. The Eagles were rumored to be interested in Boldin, but the team’s interest may be dying because of the wideout’s hefty price tag and the unfortunate, yet inevitable rise in the standings they may experience as a result of acquiring him.
“The Eagles are a business…and it wouldn’t make sense for us to put a better team on the field when we’re selling out every game,” said Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie. “It’s sickening to think about throwing away money on a guy like Boldin just to win a Super Bowl…yeah…see…I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”
The division rival New York Giants are another team interested in Boldin’s services to fill the void left by the release of Plaxico Burress earlier this month. Several media outlets also have the Giants close to acquiring Browns wide receiver Braylon Edwards.
“With the Redskins going out and getting [Albert] Haynesworth, the Cowboys improving their team ten-fold by dropping [Terrell] Owens and if the Giants pull off a trade for one of these wide receivers, we might be in trouble in our division,” said Brian Westbrook. “I know that letting Dawk, Tra and Runyan go, stocking up on 12 draft picks and maintaining all that cap space is all a part of the plan, though. That means they’re just setting up to make a big move here at some point…right?”
Diva pouts his way out of Denver, sashays to Chicago for Orton and picks
The Denver Broncos have at long last dumped their prima donna QB on the Chicago Bears in exchanged for QB Kyle Orton and three draft picks. The Broncos will receive the 18th overall pick and a third round selection in this year’s draft, a first round pick in next year’s draft and the peace of mind in knowing the level of estrogen in the locker room will return to null.
“What a diva wants, a diva gets,” said Cutler following the trade. “If I wanted to stay here, I would still be a Bronco…but the diva did not want. No, no…the diva did not want.”
The deal was the result of months of a back and forth “she said, she said” between new Broncos coach Josh McDaniels and the diva. McDaniels inquired about a possible trade for then Patriots QB Matt Cassel and once word got back to the diva, he “wasn’t havin’ none of that” so he put his heels down and demanded a trade.
The Redskins were among the teams rumored to be interested in dealing for the disgruntled QB, but couldn’t match the arsenal of picks and show-stopping talent of Kyle Orton to get a deal done. Jason Campbell would have been the centerpiece of any deal between Denver and Washington.
“Yeah, I heard all the stuff about the front office trying to get Cutler and they even told me ‘yo, Jason…if we get the chance to get Cutler, we’re probably going to trade you since he’s kinda better than you’,” said Campbell. “I was like, ‘cool man, handle your business’…and that was the end of it.”
Cutler starts chain reaction pissing off pretty much every NFL quarterback
Jay Cutler’s rift with the Broncos and new head coach Josh McDaniels is more far-reaching than anyone could have anticipated. Cutler’s recent request to be traded has allegedly piqued the Washington Redskins’ interest in the third-year Vanderbilt product, which has in turn angered current ‘Skins QB Jason Campbell.
Campbell then proceeded to request a trade of his own early on Sunday and has drawn interest from the Baltimore Ravens, which caused rookie QB Joe Flacco to shit a brick and demand a trade. As of 9:23 PM EDT on Sunday, nearly every NFL quarterback had a trade request filed with their respective team, with the lone exception of Donovan McNabb since the Eagles wouldn’t dream of replacing their li’l Don-Don.
“I had no idea all of this stuff would happen when I asked to be traded,” said Cutler. “But I don’t want to be somewhere where you can just wake up one day and the new jerk-face coach can just entertain the idea of trading you to some other team. I just have to get out of here before this fool decides to do something else crazy, like take away our locker room Wii and send us to bed with no dessert.”