Eager to volunteer, Sheldon Brown helps out at local soup kitchen
Andy Reid was pleased to find out that Sheldon Brown has been absent from the team’s OTAs because the cornerback has spent the past two weeks volunteering at a local soup kitchen and not because of an ongoing contract dispute.
Brown’s selfless act inspired Asante Samuel to also cut his training camp short and lend a hand at the kitchen, though he basically just took advantage of the free food and laughed at Brown the whole time.
“I know everybody thought I was just sitting at home all day trying to prove a point,” said Brown. “But as much as I love volunteering to play football with the Eagles, it doesn’t compare to my love for volunteering to help those in need. If I could volunteer for both at the same time, I would, but the soup kitchen needs me more than the Eagles do right now.”
Cards had no intention of trading Boldin, just wanted the attention
According to the obvious behavior by the Arizona Cardinals, the team had zero intention of trading star wide receiver Anquan Boldin this whole time and instead just wanted to milk their 15 minutes of fame before they inevitably sink back into the NFL’s cesspool.
Early reports indicated that the Eagles had offered Sheldon Brown and a third round pick for Boldin on draft weekend, though now it appears the Eagles could have offered every first round pick for the next 20 years and the entire lineup from GirlsofPhilly.com and they still wouldn’t have let Boldin go.
“You have no idea what it’s like being the league’s doormat,” said Cardinals GM Rod Graves. “We finally got a taste of the big time and we’ll go down kicking and screaming before we give that up. It was just so nice to be mentioned in actual real life news for once instead of YouTube clips or not being recognized at all. Please don’t make us go back there!”
Nation’s unemployed surprisingly empathetic to Sheldon Brown’s money woes
Eagles cornerback Sheldon Brown expressed his displeasure with his current contract on Monday and demanded to be traded to a team that won’t take his services for granted.
Brown signed a 6-year $30 million contract extension in 2004 which would take him through 2012. He is set to earn $2 million this season and received a guaranteed $7.5 million when he put pen to paper and agreed that the deal was pretty damn awesome about five years ago.
Despite folks losing their jobs and those that have them scared to death of losing them, most Americans seem to side with Brown on this issue and share in his frustration as he struggles to make ends meet.
“So what if it only takes the man five days to earn what I made in an entire year,” said recently laid off school teacher Kevin Noble. “The point here is that with his skill set and recent performance, it should only take him two days.”
The no-time Pro Bowler has also gained empathy from millionaire-turned-multi-millionaire former executives.
“A lot of people don’t realize it’s a business and the Eagles could release him tomorrow if they wanted to,” said former AIG executive Ryan Clancey. “It’s a devastating feeling to know at any moment, you could be kicked to the curb with nothing but your $7.5 million signing bonus and the Ed Hardy shirt on your back. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.”
However, there are those in the scarce minority that would suggest that what Brown is doing is “inconsiderate” and “a slap in the face to pretty much everything that’s going on in the world at the moment.”
“Anybody with the nerve to publicly bitch about how the millions they earn every year isn’t enough, especially during this recession, has officially lost all touch with reality,” said Tariq Blaine. “It kinda makes you look like a complete and utter waste of human skin…or at the very least unworthy to ever wear Eagles green again.”