Sixers no match for Garnett-less, Allen-less Celtics; Losing streak still intact
The Sixers showed that they truly belong in the playoffs by losing to the 2006-07 version of the Boston Celtics — that finished with the second-worst record in the league that year at 24-58 — by a score of 100-98. With both Kevin Garnett (injury) and Ray Allen (suspension) absent from the game, the Celtics starting five consisted of leftovers from the 06-07 squad that were so horrendous, that they finished a full 11 games behind the Sixers.
In spite of the loss, the Sixers have managed to keep their sizzling losing streak alive that now stands at six games. The streak and the Sixers’ imposing 40-41 record would draw significant attention in any other major sports league such as the NFL or MLB, but the nature of the NBA is one of extreme lunacy and unprofitability, so it remains a non-story.
“That’s how it goes in the NBA,” said head coach Tony DiLeo. “It’s reassuring to know that you can fail more often than not, and still have a shot at the title at the end of the year. We’ll probably just be some team’s punching bag in the first round…but it’s nice to dream anyway.”
Slumping Sixers lose fifth straight game, set stage for riveting NBA title run
The 76ers fell to the Raptors 111-104 giving them five straight losses just in time to face the defending champion Celtics on Tuesday and the top-seeded Cavaliers on Wednesday. Tonight’s loss leaves the Sixers record at 40-40 entering the final two games and the odds are zero to none that the team will win another game this season, including the playoffs.
Despite the horrid end to the season and absence of anything resembling team chemistry on the court, the Sixers seem poised to make a run at the NBA title with a combination of their fast break offense, injured players and porous defense.
Andre Iguodala picked up the coveted 21-points and 10-turnover double-double in Sunday’s loss and will likely be a major factor in any success the team may see in the postseason.
“I’m really gonna have to step it up if we’re gonna go anywhere in these playoffs,” said Iguodala. “I can’t have games like I did tonight where I was two assists away from a triple-dub and didn’t pick them up. I blame myself.”
Injuries may place scoring load square on Dalembert’s shoulders
With Elton Brand lost for the season and Thaddeus Young down for at least the next two weeks,Tony DiLeo will look for someone to shoulder the offensive load in their absence.
Dalembert is having his worst offensive season since his rookie campaign, but he may need to close out the season by improving on his 5.3 shots per game and 6.3 ppg to take approximately 31 or so shots each game and average about 57 points in order for the Sixers to have a realistic shot in the upcoming playoffs.
“Somebody has to step in and take over the scoring load that Thad has taken on lately,” said Dalembert. “I just hope it’s not me…just saying the word ‘offense’ gives me jelly legs and dimes give me hives. In fact, if I make it to the end of the season, that’ll make it two months without a breakout.”
Rebounding optional as Sixers fall to Bobcats
Thaddeus Young led all Sixers with a mammoth 7 total rebounds as the Sixers fell to the Bobcats in a woeful Eastern conference matchup between two teams that barely have any business contending for the playoffs.
The Sixers appeared to once again shove rebounding down the list of game priorities just behind standing around watching the other team score at will. They were outrebounded 41 to 23 in the contest and have been outrebounded by 10 or more in four of their last 21 games.
“We haven’t paid much attention to grabbing boards lately,” said Thaddeus Young, who has topped double-digits in rebounds only three times this season. “We figure in the Eastern conference, we can get by until at least the semifinals without pulling down a single rebound anyway, so I’m sure we’ll be fine.”
Miller quits denying Richard Pryor comparison, just goes with it
Andre Miller has fended off Richard Pryor comparisons ever since his former Cavaliers teammate Bimbo Coles made the obvious discovery back during the 2000-01 season. The Sixers guard finally relented and will fully embrace his likeness to the late, great Pryor by growing out his hair and beard while maintaining the comedian’s trademark hilariously surprised look on his face the entire game.
“I never really saw it to tell you the truth,” said Andre Miller following the 76ers’ 111-119 loss to the Warriors on Friday. “After like ten years of everybody saying it, I figured I should just go with it. I might have to cut down on grinning the whole game if the fans want me to put up more than ten points though.”
Iguodala, Sixers take advantage of Lakers' absence from game
Andre Iguodala hit the game-winning three-point shot all up in the face of Lakers guard Trevor Ariza to give the Sixers a 94-93 win over the second-best team in the sport on Tuesday. The Sixers overcame a 14-point deficit in the fourth quarter due in part by Donyell Marshall and Iguodala’s three-point shooting, but mostly due to 50 or so Laker turnovers and their general disinterest in dribbling, defending and shooting the basketball in the final quarter.
“I was somewhere else tonight, but it definitely wasn’t on the court,” said Kobe Bryant, who managed only 11 points to go with five turnovers. “Somewhere in the second quarter, it just hit me that I actually had Arizona making it to the Final Four as a 12th seed in the only bracket I filled out. What the [expletive] was I thinking, dog?”
Iguodala and the Sixers will look to win their fifth straight game when they face the Phoenix Suns on Wednesday.
DiLeo unveils radical strategy involving defending, making three-point shots
Sixers head coach Tony DiLeo has indicated that the team’s recent slide has backed him into a corner where he’s ready to try anything to get his team back into the win column.
“I’ve noticed that quite a few teams are making use of what I’m being told is a three-point arc,” said DiLeo, who poured through hours of video and noticed players were awarded an extra point for shots beyond said arc. “I came up with a new way to possibly stop other teams from using this against us by placing the palm of your hand directly in their face. I’ll also instruct my players to take more of these longer shots in practice. This strategy just might change the entire game of basketball.”
DiLeo and the Sixers will try and implement their new plan as they travel to face the Grizzlies in Memphis, TN on Saturday.
Brand out for season with severe badfitforteamitis
Sixers forward Elton Brand will shut it down for the remainder of the year due to a pre-existing condition preventing him from being able to run-and-gun with the rest of the team. Sixers GM Ed Stefanski knew of the condition prior to signing the two-time NBA All-Star to a five-year $82 million contract back in July, but went ahead with bringing him in anyway.
“We saw how the life got sucked from the Suns last year when they acquired another sufferer from badfitforteamitis in Shaquille O’Neal, but we were determined to make it work with Brand anyway,” Stefanski said. “I’ve always found that if something doesn’t fit…cram it in there until it does. If it still doesn’t fit, just blame it on someone else.”
Iguodala's single-double can't stop Hornets
Chris Paul dumped 27 points, 15 assists and 10 rebounds on the 76ers for his league-leading fifth triple-double of the season as the Hornets offed the Sixers 101-86. Though Paul also came away with a game-high seven steals, the Sixers were more concerned about how quickly their manhood disappeared after each of his circus shots and passes.
“He was making us look like little [expletives] out there, for real,” said 76ers center Samuel Dalembert. “You saw me try and kick him in the nuts out there….and this little koala bear-lookin’ dude still made the shot.”
Hornets forward Peja Stojakovic added to the embarassment by hitting six three-pointers on a night when the Sixers hit only two as a team.
“Ya’ll can keep chirpin’ in my ear with all that mess about us needing to hit more threes, but that’s not what we do here,” said Sixers guard Andre Miller. “Layups win games. Not free throw shooting or all that three point nonsense…it’s layups. We hit layups in Philly. When you think we’re gonna hit you with the big three, we switch it up on you and stuff that layup down your throat. Layups man…lay…ups.”
The Sixers will head to Houston to face the Rockets on Wednesday.
Brand returns, Sixers win anyway
The 76ers overcame the return of their star forward Elton Brand to down the Knicks 116-110 on Saturday. The Sixers have won eight of their last nine games including seven in a row while Brand rehabbed his separated right shoulder. In Brand’s absence, the Sixers seemed to find their rhythm and head coach Tony DiLeo developed a game plan will keep Brand on the bench, even after their prized offseason acquisition is fully recovered.
“We’re realizing that our best use of Brand is actually to not use him at all…or sparingly at least,” DiLeo said. “He’s making something like $50 trillion dollars this year, but if our team is doing better without him, don’t fix what ain’t broke, you know what I mean?”
The Sixers will travel to New Orleans on Monday to face Chris Paul and the Hornets. According to DiLeo, Brand will likely either watch the game from the locker room or stay behind in Philadelphia and watch it at a local bar just to make sure he doesn’t interfere with the Sixers’ game plan.
“Whatever I have to do to help the team at this point is what I’ll do,” Brand said. “If that means sitting at home eating Cheetos and watching American Idol, then I’ll just have to live with that.”