Boldin to Eagles talks stall after revelation that the WR may actually improve team
The Arizona Cardinals announced Wednesday that they are willing to listen to trade offers for their Pro Bowl wide receiver Anquan Boldin. The Eagles were rumored to be interested in Boldin, but the team’s interest may be dying because of the wideout’s hefty price tag and the unfortunate, yet inevitable rise in the standings they may experience as a result of acquiring him.
“The Eagles are a business…and it wouldn’t make sense for us to put a better team on the field when we’re selling out every game,” said Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie. “It’s sickening to think about throwing away money on a guy like Boldin just to win a Super Bowl…yeah…see…I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”
The division rival New York Giants are another team interested in Boldin’s services to fill the void left by the release of Plaxico Burress earlier this month. Several media outlets also have the Giants close to acquiring Browns wide receiver Braylon Edwards.
“With the Redskins going out and getting [Albert] Haynesworth, the Cowboys improving their team ten-fold by dropping [Terrell] Owens and if the Giants pull off a trade for one of these wide receivers, we might be in trouble in our division,” said Brian Westbrook. “I know that letting Dawk, Tra and Runyan go, stocking up on 12 draft picks and maintaining all that cap space is all a part of the plan, though. That means they’re just setting up to make a big move here at some point…right?”
Report: Buckhalter news first of many former Eagle bombshells; L.J. on deck
It turns out that the recent accusation by a local drug dealer that former Eagles runningback Correll Buckhalter was one of his clients will be the first of many scandalous nuggets the Eagles will disclose in the coming weeks about their former players. According to a source close to the Eagles, the list includes Brian Dawkins, L.J. Smith, Tra Thomas and that part-time guy that got fired for no damn reason will be named in a potentially damaging report detailing sketchy behavior that was often covered up by the organization.
“I can’t say much at the moment but more will be known in the coming days,” the source told PhillyGameday.com. “I will say that we’re close to releasing a story about L.J. Smith’s addiction to Guitar Hero that led to his complete separation from reality and any awareness that he was actually a member of the National Football League and the Phildelphia Eagles for the past several years.”
UPDATE: The Eagles have released a statement noting that former Eagles safety Brian Dawkins was, in fact, born with trace amounts of the metal adamantium throughout his skeletal system. The report goes on to say that there was actually zero effort to keep the future Hall of Famer in Philadelphia and that Eagles President Joe Banner’s constant lying has actually caused his penis to invert to the point where he is now medically an extremely fugly chic.