Slave apologizes after comparing self to NFL players
A slave issued an apology on Wednesday after comparing his plight to that of a professional football player during a Tuesday night interview, in which he said that human traffickers should stop treating them “like NFL players.”
“We love working for you all, we love our owners, we love you guys very much, but at the same time, we need some equal opportunity here, and stop treating us basically like NFL players,” the slave said during the Tuesday interview. “We deserve better than that.”
The slave said this morning that the comments came off wrong and that he in no way meant to imply that slavery is anything like what an NFL player has to endure.
“I want to apologize for the bad choice of words. It was a dumb thing to say,” the slave said. “I represented the family I was taken from in the wrong way. I’m sorry for those choice of words and if I’ve offended anyone, please forgive me. NFL servitude is a real problem in the U.S. and it wasn’t my intention to demean their plight in any way.”
In an effort to try and make up for his comments, the slave went on to say he plans on working for the next 50 years so he can donate $3 to help end NFL servitude.
Report: Adrian Peterson not a slave
The world of professional sports was rocked early Wednesday morning by a report that Vikings running back Adrian Peterson is not a slave, refuting the widely-accepted belief that the four-time Pro Bowler was a “modern-day slave.”
“This changes everything,” said Ricky Franz, a long-time Vikings fan who always saw Peterson as a modern-day slave. “It’s like, if Adrian Peterson isn’t a slave, then who is?”
The report cites Peterson’s 2010 income of well over $0.01, lack of chained appendages and freedom as the primary indicators that the running back could not possibly be a slave.
“Not only did we find that Adrian Peterson is not a slave as we once thought, but he is in fact the polar opposite of a slave and is wealthy beyond all comprehension with the freedom to find another occupation,” said head researcher Arie Miller from the Institute for the Study of Modern-Day Slaves. “We also found him to be completely detached from reality.”
In addition to the discovery that Peterson is a well-paid professional athlete, the report also indicated that as many as 100% of other well-paid professional athletes are not slaves.
Adam Schefter: Raiders still front-runner for someone, dammit
After losing out to the Redskins for Donovan McNabb, the Oakland Raiders still remain the front-runner to land someone, say, Adrian Peterson, league sources tell ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter.
The sources say the ingredients for a trade are still in place. Schefter is pretty sure the Raiders are still willing to meet a team’s asking price for some player, like Tom Brady, maybe.
Also, sources say this player’s contract, which could be anywhere from $500,000 to about $20 million or so, has scared off other teams. But, sources say, Oakland is willing to pay anything to get someone over here, like an Ed Reed-type guy.
There are also connections between the Raiders and this player, that could very well be Brandon Marshall for all we know. Raiders owner Al Davis and this guy probably both like things, and Oakland’s new offensive coordinator, Hue Jackson, speaks English just like he kind of does.
One source familiar with trade discussions said no deal was done with Oakland. But other league sources predicted it soon would be done just to generate buzz even though they knew good and well that nothing was close to happening.
Another source far-removed from the situation is still trying to figure out why these guys have jobs.