Mets’ Santana to test arm against lifeless batters

After facing live batters for the first time since having season-ending elbow surgery last year, Johan Santana is scheduled to throw lifeless batters over the weekend. Santana threw 40 pitches, including his signature slider, to living, breathing... [Read more...]

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Iverson’s left knee announces retirement from rest of body

After having two procedures to drain fluid from its arthritic body, Allen Iverson’s left knee has decided to call it quits. After 13 grueling seasons, Iverson’s body has clearly taken a beating, but this is... [Read more]

Unheralded Florida QB prepared to hire public relations firm

In an effort to gain national exposure, little known University of Florida quarterback Tim Tebow has hired the infamous Bernstein Agency to handle his public image. “Playing at an academic school like Florida,... [Read more]

Romo asks to take over janitor duties for Cowboys

In an act of uncanny selflessness, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo has volunteered his services this week to clean the team’s bathroom facilities. Team officials have yet to commit to a janitor for this weekend,... [Read more]