Mets’ Santana to test arm against lifeless batters
Updated: March 5, 2010

By , Contributor to

After facing live batters for the first time since having season-ending elbow surgery last year, Johan Santana is scheduled to throw lifeless batters over the weekend.

Santana threw 40 pitches, including his signature slider, to living, breathing humans in front of much of the Mets’ brass Thursday afternoon.  Of his progress, Santana seemed pleased. “It felt great to throw to animate objects.  I’m not sure where we found actual hitters, but credit the organization for the creative recovery idea.”

The lifeless hitters, however, should present an entirely different challenge for Santana.  “I had assumed when they said ‘lifeless batters’ that it was a jab at David Wright for his lack of power, but apparently, they have me throwing to actual dead guys.”

Mets’ General Manager Omar Minaya has insisted this is the crucial step to get Santana game ready.  “We are pleased with Johan today, but he still has a long way to go.  We want to take it slowly, so he likely won’t face any good lifeless batters over the weekend.  Is Gregg Jefferies alive?”

“Depending on the reactions of the deceased, Johan could be ready for opening day.”


3 Responses to “Mets’ Santana to test arm against lifeless batters”

  1. Tyler on March 5th, 2010 1:00 pm

    Stick to your day job, Kirk.

  2. Justin on March 6th, 2010 9:52 am

    “Is Gregg Jefferies alive?”

    Wow, nobody’s asked that since he was still playing baseball.

  3. Billy on March 8th, 2010 6:04 pm

    It wasn’t much easier to answer then.

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