Phillies hope to fill void at second base with infielder Utley

After several unsuccessful attempts to permanently fill their hole at second base, the Phillies will turn to infielder Chase Utley in a move some are already calling ‘desperate’.

“It’s getting late in the season and the trade deadline has past, so our options are limited right now,” said general manager Ruben Amaro. “I hope this kid can play.”

The Phillies, who considered trading for help at second base just last month, have used Wilson Valdez at the position and even moved Placido Polanco over from third base to try and solve the growing problem up the middle. Now out of options, the team will rely on Utley to carry the load for the rest of the season.

“Hopefully, Utley will give us a guy we can count on for this year and possibly into the future,” said Jimmy Rollins. “But, we don’t want to put too much pressure on the guy. Whatever he can give us is fine.”

Sources close to the Phillies indicate that the team will now turn its attention to filling another void by acquiring left-handed first baseman Ryan Howard.

The Phillies are in serious trouble right now, by Joey Bagadonuts

Raul Ibanez can’t hit, Kendrick can’t get anyone out, the Marlins just showed they can beat us, the Braves are right on our tails, Moyer’s old as hell, Jimmy Rollins is hurt, Lidge is stinking it up in the minors and won’t be able to close, Danys Baez and David Herndon can’t hold a lead, J.A. Happ and Joe Blanton are missing starts, Chase Utley stopped hitting homers, the Cardinals have Albert Pujols, Placido Polanco’s average is below .400, nobody’s stealing bases, fans are projectile vomiting on little girls, I still don’t trust Cole Hamels and I’m worried about what’s gonna happen with this team.

One of the first things the Phillies need to do is bench Raul and give Ben Francisco a chance out there. We should be able to trade Raul for some bullpen help, which is what we need anyway. I just don’t know why Charlie keeps putting him in the lineup when he stinks like this. I’m pretty sure Domonic Brown is ready by now. Why don’t we bring him up to take Raul’s place? What’s the hold up here?

The Marlins and Braves are seriously on our ass in the NL East and I think it’s gonna be a serious battle the whole year and there’s a chance we could miss the playoffs. The Marlins just beat us in two out of three games and even though the Braves are hitting .233 as a team right now, when they get going, they’re gonna be dangerous with the pitching staff they have. I just don’t feel right about our chances right now.

There are so many other things we need to fix before we can consider ourselves a real contender in the National League. I’m as optimistic as they come, but I’m freaking out right now. I know we’re only 12 games into the season, but if this isn’t time to hit the panic button, then when is?

Philadelphia baseball club reportedly wins game or something

Editor’s Note: We here at Philly Gameday like to present relevant news that is important to the Philadelphia sports fan. Unfortunately, we are being forced to publish a story about a local baseball team even though it seems everyone just wants to talk about the Donovan McNabb trade. We apologize ahead of time for the following story and hope you will return to the site in the future.

A baseball club with ties to the area began its season on Monday and reportedly played well enough to defeat another team, though it’s still unclear how this has anything to do with Donovan McNabb and his trade to the Redskins.

“Apparently these ballplayers did some amazing things on the field yesterday,” said one local reporter. “Unfortunately, they aren’t Donovan McNabb, so there’s no way they’re getting more than five seconds of attention today.”

According to this guy’s report, the main pitcher man did something awesome and a new player man ran home and people were cheering or something. The final score was 11-1, but McNabb got traded to the Redskins and that’s all you apparently need to know.

Report: Halladay retires six Yankee batters on two pitches

New Phillies ace Roy Halladay reportedly needed only two pitches to retire six of the seven Yankee batters he faced in Thursday’s Spring Training opener.

“He was every bit as amazing as we thought he’d be,” Raul Ibanez said of Roy Halladay’s performance. “To go out there and retire 12 batters on one pitch is just sick.”

The only baserunner allowed during Halladay’s 19-inning outing came on a throwing error by Placido Polanco in the first inning. Polanco would later apologize to Halladay and praised his new teammate for an impressive no-pitch performance that killed at least five Yankees.