Eagles ‘almost positive’ they left something behind at Lehigh
The Eagles announced that upon leaving training camp at Lehigh University yesterday, the entire team got that feeling like they left something behind.
“I know I didn’t forget my toothbrush,” Brent Celek reassured himself as he left training camp. “Or did I?”
Team sources said that each player swore up and down that they packed everything but, for some reason, they just know their good belt is sitting right on the floor.
Head coach Andy Reid finally realized twenty minutes into the trip back home that he forgot to pack wide receiver Hank Baskett, but stated that he “could always buy a new one.”
Michael Vick showing signs of former self, experts warn
Eagles quarterback Michael Vick showed signs that he may be returning to his old self during his preseason debut, and according to NFL experts, the playmaker could make it back to a Pro Bowl soon, then back to prison shortly thereafter.
“Vick is showing flashes of the talent and swagger that made him one of the premier quarterbacks in the league and a menace to himself and innocent dogs,” ESPN’s Adam Schefter warned on Monday. “He’s getting away from being the quiet, mostly useless quarterback we were accustomed to seeing last year, and that’s not good news for Eagles fans.”
Eagles president Jeff Lurie said that the team will keep a close eye on Vick and will consider releasing or trading the quarterback if his performance rises any further.
Eagles halt training camp after entire roster carted off field
The Eagles were forced to shut down training camp on Monday after the entire roster fell to the ground in pain and had to be carted off the field.
Eagles players were stretching, jogging and throwing lightly when each heard something pop or felt some sort of shooting pain before stumbling to the ground, grabbing their respective ankles, legs, backs, necks and arms.
Team officials said the over 75 players will be evaluated by the medical staff and should return to practice once each player is fitted with a set of protective pads to prevent further injury.
‘Best Job in U.S.’ awarded to whatever it is Michael Vick does
The Wall Street Journal released its annual list of ‘Best and Worst Jobs’ and whatever it is that Michael Vick does with the Eagles beat out Mathematician for the top spot.
“As a convicted felon with eroded skills, we’re unsure how he got this job or, for that matter, what this job is,” said WSJ spokesman Stephen Duffy. “But whatever it is, it’s easily the greatest job in America. Ever.”
With a starting salary of $1.6 million, Vick’s job with the Eagles still remains a complete and total mystery, but according to Vick, it may involve standing, with occasional sitting, but very little running.
Vick stood and sat enough in 2009 to earn a $3.6 million dollar raise this year, giving him a $5.2 million salary and the title of ‘Best Job in America’.
“It’s a great job,” Vick said of whatever he’s supposed to be doing this year with the Eagles, “and I do it well.”
Vick also topped Wall Street Journal’s list of ‘People Dumber Than Toast’ for repeatedly trying to get fired from his cushy, do-nothing job.
Eagles to police: Vick ‘of no interest’ to us either
While investigating a shooting that took place outside a Virginia Beach nightclub that had been hosting a birthday party for Michael Vick, police informed the Eagles on Wednesday that the former Pro Bowler “doesn’t interest us anymore as a football player.”
The Eagles responded by saying that “yeah, I kind of know what you mean” and “he doesn’t interest us either, but what other choice do we have right now,” according to one team spokesman.
The Eagles informed police that while they may have had some interest in Vick several months ago when they were trying to sell merchandise and stay relevant in the news, their current interest in the former Pro Bowler has officially bottomed out. The team also repeatedly asked police if they were sure Vick wasn’t involved in the shooting because, according to team owner Jeffrey Lurie, “that would really help us out in trying to get rid of him.”
Report: Top Philadelphia draft pick cheered
Philadelphia sports fans reportedly broke their historic tradition of booing and throwing urine-soaked snowballs at draft picks when they cheered the 76ers’ selection of Evan Turner at the NBA draft on Thursday.
Though cheering for draft picks is a staple among non-Philly sports fans, Philly fans have historically berated athletes on draft day. However, that custom came to an end when Turner was selected with the second overall pick and greeted with warm applause by fans, marking the first such embrace by fans in Philadelphia sports history.
The most notable case of deplorable behavior by Philly fans on draft day was during the 1999 NFL draft when Donovan McNabb was booed unmercifully as he was selected with the Eagles’ second overall pick. It was widely speculated that Eagles fans were booing the organization for not selecting Heisman Trophy winner Ricky Williams, but later reports confirmed that Philly fans are the scum of the earth and want to boo everyone at all times.
In a less publicized case, Allen Iverson was booed off the stage as he was selected with the first overall pick by the 76ers in 1996. Cole Hamels, the Phillies first-round selection in the 2002 MLB draft, was also booed by a throng of fans at his home in San Diego, CA as he sat in his living room with family and friends. Altogether, some 2,622 athletes have been booed by crazed Philadelphia sports fans over the years.
According to a report probably published somewhere, one rogue fan was heard booing while Turner’s name was announced during the draft, which was, according to the report, “yet another black eye for Philadelphia sports fans.”
McNabb responds to Jackson’s comments about Iron Man 2
Though DeSean Jackson was merely commenting on the debut of Iron Man 2 and wasn’t trying to stir anything up, Donovan McNabb responded to Jackson’s comments anyway.
After seeing the film, starring Robert Downey Jr., Jackson said he was “very happy with the movie.”
“I don’t think it lost anything from the first one,” Jackson added. “Even with the loss of Terrence Howard.”
On Tuesday, McNabb was asked for a response to Jackson’s comment, just to try and start controversy where there was none to begin with.
“I could feed into this war he’s obviously trying to start by talking about Iron Man 2,” McNabb said. “But someone has to be the bigger man, so whatever he wants to say is cool with me, but it’s not making him look like the bigger man. I’m the biggest man there is, and ever will be.”
Jackson also commented on what was poppin’ in Atlanta over the weekend, but McNabb could not yet be reached for a response.
Local guy acting like he knows stuff about Eagles draft picks
Ever since the Eagles made their first round selection of Brandon Graham, Todd Hickey of Germantown has been acting like he knows something about each pick and “it’s getting pretty annoying,” according to sources.
“He’s either booing or cheering after every pick, but how could he possibly know anything about any of these guys?” said Kyle Brace, a longtime friend of Hickey. “Then he watches a 10-second video clip of the guy and says something like ‘Oh yeah, he’ll fit the scheme’, like he even knows what that means. If you’ve ever seen Mel Kiper on ESPN, then you know what I’m talking about.”
According to Hickey, the Eagles have had a good draft so far but could really use another defensive end because “you can never have too many of those.”
Reid to NFL: Vick perfect for wildcat, stuff like that
In an effort to spur interest in a potential trade for Michael Vick, Andy Reid announced to the rest of the NFL that Vick is “perfect for the wildcat, and other stuff like that.” Reid is certain several teams will be intrigued with Vick’s ability to run the wildcat offense and all of the other stuff he can probably do too.
“Michael Vick is the perfect quarterback for, say, the wildcat,” said Reid. “Of course he can do other things. I was just using that as an example. I’m sure he has other relevant quarterbacking skills.”
According to Reid, Vick has a vast skill set, and can still line-up at quarterback for a number of NFL teams.
“If you don’t believe me, check out our film from last year. He lined up at quarterback every time we sent him into the game. Not wide receiver, not left guard, but quarterback. You don’t find talent like that every day. Plus, you just can’t ignore his ability to run the wildcat and do all that other stuff, too.”
Philadelphia baseball club reportedly wins game or something
Editor’s Note: We here at Philly Gameday like to present relevant news that is important to the Philadelphia sports fan. Unfortunately, we are being forced to publish a story about a local baseball team even though it seems everyone just wants to talk about the Donovan McNabb trade. We apologize ahead of time for the following story and hope you will return to the site in the future.
A baseball club with ties to the area began its season on Monday and reportedly played well enough to defeat another team, though it’s still unclear how this has anything to do with Donovan McNabb and his trade to the Redskins.
“Apparently these ballplayers did some amazing things on the field yesterday,” said one local reporter. “Unfortunately, they aren’t Donovan McNabb, so there’s no way they’re getting more than five seconds of attention today.”
According to this guy’s report, the main pitcher man did something awesome and a new player man ran home and people were cheering or something. The final score was 11-1, but McNabb got traded to the Redskins and that’s all you apparently need to know.