Report: Shawn Andrews only Tweeting at 26% of full potential
Just two days after being released by the Eagles, Shawn Andrews met with Twitter executives to discuss a lack of focus on his day-to-day Tweeting.
“Ten years from now, we could be talking about Shawn as one of the greatest Tweeters of all time,” said a Twitter head coach. “The talent is certainly there, but he’s just not making the best use of the 140-character limit each time he updates his status.”
Some Twitter officials have estimated that Andrews is Tweeting at nearly a quarter of his potential after watching film of Andrews’ dominant Tweeting early on in his career as compared to now.
“I’ve seen the guy do things with 140-characters that most guys couldn’t do with 500,” said one Twitter executive. “Some people blame off-the-screen distractions, like his involvement in pro football, for the lack of focus. I’d rather he focus on his Tweets, but if he wants to continue to play football, he’s a grown man. Let him play.”
Eagles tab D-List receiver Hank Baskett for supporting role
Hank Baskett will once again try his hand at a supporting role with the Philadelphia Eagles as he has signed on to play himself in the upcoming comedy, The Gold Standard: Part 17.
“I think Hank is a great addition to our cast,” said former Hollywood producer Jeffrey Lurie. “He’ll play the role of the reserve wide receiver that dreams of winning the big game for his team, but can’t ever catch a break, or a ball.”
Baskett may be best known for his role as Kendra Wilkinson’s husband on the TV show Kendra, but flopped in an attempt to branch out on his own as a hero in Super Bowl XLIV.
Trade talk heats up after McNabb spotted playing for 49ers
The buzz surrounding a possible trade of Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb should heat up after the Pro Bowler was seen being introduced as the San Francisco 49ers new quarterback.
The press conference almost certainly means that McNabb has played his last game as an Eagle, but head coach Andy Reid is still downplaying the situation, saying that McNabb will stay with the Eagles as his quarterback.
“I haven’t changed my opinion at all,” Reid said while watching McNabb clean out his locker with a 49ers hat on. “Donovan will be with the Eagles as our starting quarterback. Period. I don’t know when signing a contract with another team became a signal that you had left your team, but that means nothing to me. People will always speculate about this stuff, but the only thing that matters is that I say Donovan is an Eagle, even if I’m literally the only one still saying that.”
Eagles ask Westbrook to go halfsies on medical bills
One week after releasing two-time Pro Bowl runningback Brian Westbrook without so much as a phone call from team President Joe Banner or owner Jeffrey Lurie, the Eagles requested that Westbrook also go halfsies on his remaining medical bills.
“What’s fair is fair,” Lurie said on Wednesday. “We paid him to play football, not get hurt and go to continual doctors visits, chiropractic appointments, physical therapy, you name it. I don’t know what he expected, but these bills aren’t going to pay themselves.”
The Eagles say a large balance remains on several bills stemming from a concussion suffered by Westbrook last season. According to the team, Westbrook should be happy they are only asking for fifty percent.
“Brian needs to understand most employers don’t pay a cent towards an employee’s medical bills other than what they contribute to insurance coverage,” Lurie continued. “So, technically, we’re already doing him a huge favor by paying half.”
Brian Westbrook released to make room for Andy Reid
The Eagles have released longtime running back Brian Westbrook to free up some space for head coach Andy Reid.
“Brian is one of the greatest Eagles of all time and he is an even better person and leader,” Reid said on Tuesday. “But mobility was a major issue last year, and with Westbrook gone, I won’t have to suck in the gut to get around.”
Westbrook battled multiple concussions in 2009 and saw action in only eight games, finishing with just two touchdowns and 274 rushing yards for the Eagles.
“Coach Reid always talked about how hard it was for him to get around, so I knew it was a matter of time before something like this happened,” said Westbrook. “I never thought it would be me, but I guess it makes sense that he would get rid of a running back first.”
DeSean Jackson falls ill after contracting Drew Rosenhaus
DeSean Jackson was hospitalized early Friday after contracting Drew Rosenhaus in a public restroom.
According to Eagles President Joe Banner, the illness could sideline Jackson for the start of the next season and could even threaten his career with the Eagles.
“This is really starting to remind me of 2005 all over again,” Banner said on Friday, making reference to Terrell Owens’ contraction of Drew Rosenhaus after the 2004 season. “This is really the last thing we need to have happen to one of our star players. We’re optimistic he can pull through it, but we’re planning for the worst.”
The Drew Rosenhaus virus has plagued the NFL for almost two decades and is very similar to a strain of Scott Boras that many prominent MLB players have suffered through over the years.
In the most noteworthy case of the Drew Rosenhaus, Terrell Owens played in only seven games for the Eagles in 2005 before he was released in an effort to contain the outbreak before it spread to other players.
“We’re really hoping to get DeSean some treatment so he can kick this thing,” said Eagles head coach Andy Reid. “He needs to completely flush the Drew Rosenhaus from his system or these next few months are going to be pretty miserable for everyone.”
McNabb not among Romosexuals’ 2010 fantasy keepers
Romosexuals team owner Mike Godfrey announced he will likely drop Donovan McNabb from his fantasy team after nearly a decade of holding onto the quarterback as a keeper.
“I think it’s pretty clear that I’m not going to win a fantasy championship with Donovan McNabb as my quarterback,” said Godfrey, an avid Eagles fan. “As much as I’ve appreciated what he’s done for the Romosexuals over the years, this is a business decision and it’s time to move on.”
Godfrey also announced that Ray Rice will stay with the team and will likely announce his second and final keeper when everyone meets over Eric’s house for the Super Bowl.
Eagles lose 392-7, reports guy who quit watching at halftime
The Eagles are just assumed to have lost to the Cowboys in Saturday’s wildcard matchup, though no one in the entire Tri-State area actually watched the end of the game to confirm the final outcome or score.
A local man named Jerry Cole reported Sunday morning that the score was “probably 392-7 or some s–t like that.”
“I stopped watching at halftime, but that sounds about right,” Cole added.
Another man that threw his television out of his window midway through the third quarter claimed the 392-7 score was grossly inaccurate.
“I probably watched more of the game than anybody, and I’m telling you the final score was about 84-7,” said Greg Alban, who read a book for the remainder of the game after his television was destroyed.
The Cowboys will move on to face the Minnesota Vikings next week while the Eagles will face an exciting offseason that will probably include letting Donovan McNabb and Brian Westbrook go and signing Plaxico Burress or someone else that will piss off most of the fan base.
D-Jax via Twitter: Cowboys shall inherit a sound thumping
DeSean Jackson of the Portsmouth Jacksons took to Twitter on Sunday and had quite a few biting words for the division rival Cowboys.
“Our rival American footballing club ought to keep a lively eye to their hind parts,” Jackson tweeted of the Cowboys. “My colleagues and I are prepared to issue a sound thumping until the bandits have met their defeat.”
After Jackson’s negative comments garnered national attention, the first-time Pro-Bowler issued an apology on Tuesday via Twitter.
“It appears my ballyhoo from Sunday’s eve has caused quite an unwelcome rumpus,” said the follow-up Jackson tweet. “I know the Cowboys to be a fine band of fellows and hope they will accept my forthright apology. It’s such a silly thing to gibe another through an electronic device to begin with. I don’t know what came over me.”
Clearly not ready, Eagles call ‘do-over’ against Cowboys
The Eagles took the field on Sunday but were completely caught off guard when the Cowboys started playing the football game before the Eagles were even ready.
“I mean, can we even get set first?” Donovan McNabb asked the Cowboys during the third quarter of the game. “I just don’t think this is fair at all. I call do-over on this. We need a re-do.”
NFL rules dictate that if a team gets shutout by a division rival on the final week of the regular season and is able to actually show their face in public again, then said team is allowed a ‘do-over’. Had the Cowboys called ‘no do-overs’ prior to the game, the Eagles would have had to accept the loss without a ‘re-do’.
“The Cowboys started the game and we clearly weren’t ready,” said Andy Reid on Monday. “It’s against the rules and everybody knows it. I think it’s cheap. I’m just glad Donovan called ‘do-over’. Hopefully they’ll let us get ready this time.”
