Amaro considers shaking the hell out of entire Phillies roster
Updated: June 17, 2010

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General manager Ruben Amaro Jr. announced Wednesday that he has thought about shaking the living shit out of his entire 25-man roster, which could happen as soon as this weekend.

Since May 22, the Phillies are just 7-15 and have struggled at the plate, hitting just .216 as a team over that span.

“We’re not making any major moves here,” Amaro said after Wednesday’s 6-3 win over the Yankees. “I’m just going to gently put my hands around each of my players’ necks and proceed to shake the life out of them until they wake up and realize they’re elite professional athletes again. That’s all.”

Amaro will monitor the progress of his team after the shaking and said that, if necessary, he will “trade the shit out of every last player on the team, with the exception of Chase Utley, for he can do no wrong.”

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