Miami dedicates field to cheating nutsack that skipped college
Updated: February 13, 2009

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The University of Miami has renamed its baseball field after the former greatest player of our generation, Alex Rodriguez. The dedication comes days after Rodriguez admitted to taking performance enhancing drugs while with the Texas Rangers from 2001 to 2003, though a recent survey conducted at a local Philadelphia sports bar suggests that 99.9% of the U.S. population still thinks he’s “a lying sack of [poo]“.

A-Tool gave a $3.9 million gift to the university for stadium renovations back in 2003.

“We’re not concerned in the least that the money came as a result of years of ass-injections or that he took daily dumps on the history of the sport we love,” said Miami head baseball coach Jim Morris. “We love money here. The [poo] stains on our sport’s history can be washed away, but if I have to sit on an unpadded dugout bench for one more game, I’m gonna freak.”

Rodriguez used the dedication ceremony to address his steroid use and had a specific message for the current Hurricanes baseball team.

“There will be adversity along the way,” Rodriguez said. “But I’m living proof that cheating can earn you a butt-load of money and no matter how bad you screw up and ruin an entire sport for millions of fans, there are always places you can go where someone’s willing to name a baseball field after you.”

Zaki is the Chief Rocka and senior writer for and thinks you should hurry up and follow the site on Twitter and Facebook before it's too late.

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