Report: God under investigation for fixing 2011 NBA Finals
Updated: June 13, 2011

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Dallas Mavericks & GodThe FBI is currently investigating allegations that God, divine being and heavenly Father, fixed the 2011 NBA Finals after a series of comments and Tweets made by several NBA players surfaced on Monday.

According to a law enforcement official, authorities plan to meet with LeBron James over a comment the Heat star made on Twitter regarding The Lord’s involvement in the series.

“The Greater Man upstairs know when it’s my time. Right now isn’t the time,” James Tweeted shortly after the Heat lost to the Mavericks 105-95 in the decisive Game 6 of the NBA Finals.

Authorities were also tipped off by a number of comments Mavericks guard Jason Terry made during the series, implicating The Almighty’s direct involvement in the outcome of several games.

“You know, to God be the glory. He gives me all the strength to go out here and perform at a high level,” Terry said after the Mavericks’ Game 5 win over the Heat.

The FBI has not indicated whether the NBA players themselves are under investigation for allegedly communicating and asking favors of the omnipotent being throughout the NBA Finals, but would not rule out any future legal action.

God, the Alpha and Omega, is also under investigation for fixing every sporting event ever played, but outside of hearsay testimony, authorities have yet to find any concrete evidence that connects the omniscient being to the outcome of games.

Zaki is the Chief Rocka and senior writer for and thinks you should hurry up and follow the site on Twitter and Facebook before it's too late.

3 Responses to “Report: God under investigation for fixing 2011 NBA Finals”

  1. @RJ_Edwards on June 13th, 2011 2:28 pm


    Thank you for keeping this lighthearted in nature without offending those of us who are Christians and enjoy your satire news on a regular basis. You’d be surprised how often we talk about this very thing in seminary, as if God is sitting on His throne eating wings and watching every touchdown, homerun, slapshot, and three-point shot like a rabid sports fan.

    Again, thanks for keeping it respectful.


  2. Zaki on June 13th, 2011 2:55 pm

    Hey, no problem. I try not to keep anything off limits, but I also also don’t want to be a dick about it when I bring up stuff like this, either. It’s always a fine like. Thanks for the comment!

  3. peter on June 13th, 2011 8:50 pm

    God, i don’t think so, but the players definitely. when you see the star players pass until the time expires, when they leave the other team’s players wide open (or totally drop their best defense in the league) for 3 point shots, time and time again, when one elite player only takes 11 shots in one game and 26 in another, when they miss free throw after free throw, and the list goes on and on, call me crazy, but something is telling me that vegas -not God- has something to do with it. maybe only one of His laws, the golden rule: who’s got the gold rules.

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