Procrastinating Phils finally get around to clinching division

October 1, 2009 by Zaki  
Filed under Headlines, Phillies

The Philadelphia Phillies clinched their third straight NL East title after putting it off for the past week by spending entirely too much time on Failblog and Hulu-ing those old episodes of It’s Always Sunny they missed.

“It was rough, man,” Ryan Howard said of the Phillies’ late-season procrastination. “As much as we wanted to secure our spot and get it over with, someone would send out an email about a funny video and by the time you start looking at all the related videos, you look up and it’s the ninth inning and you’re down by like 10. At that point, you just try again the next day, but then Chase [Utley] starts talking about how Journey is the greatest band of all time, which starts a three-hour-long debate and you end up in the same place as yesterday.”

The Phils finally pulled it together on Wednesday to down the Astros 10-3, though technically the team clinched the division a few minutes before the game ended due to Atlanta losing on an epic Matt Diaz baserunning error to end the game against the Marlins.

In a moving gesture to once again prove his commitment and eternal love for Brad Lidge, Charlie Manuel called on the team’s pseudo-closer to record the final out of the 10-3 route in a non-save situation. Lidge warmed up for about five minutes and threw one pitch to Lance Berkman, who grounded out to Ryan Howard at first base to end the game.

“Any other guy would have left me by now, but Charlie isn’t just any other guy,” Lidge said after the game. “We pledged our lives to one another when I signed here and I’m blessed to be able to have him right by my side no matter how badly I screw up. I’m definitely one of the lucky ones.”

The Phillies also paid a fitting tribute to the late Harry Kalas by embracing the HK sign in left field after the game. Harry is still very much a part of this team and I personally hope the Phillies are able to pay the greatest tribute to him by rolling down Broad Street one more time, in his honor. Go Phils!

Marlins fan wondering why guy is sitting this close

September 23, 2009 by Zaki  
Filed under Headlines, Phillies

Marlins fan Pat Gershman spent much of Tuesday’s doubleheader between the Marlins and Phillies trying to figure out why this guy chose to sit so close to him.

“I really can’t figure out why he would sit there,” said Gershman. “He’s got 40,000 other seats to choose from and this d-bag sits a few seats away. It’s just unreal.”

Gershman briefly thought about moving to another section in the 5th inning of Game 1, but elected to stay put since, you know, he was there first.

“It’s in the rules,”said Gershman, referencing the figuritive book of conduct in a completely empty baseball stadium. “He’s breaking about ten other rules, too. Like what kind of self-respecting, grown man wears a glove to a baseball game? Complete violation.”

Controversy bound to hover over Moyer's pursuit of all-time home run record

May 26, 2009 by Zaki  
Filed under Headlines, Phillies

Jamie Moyer lost another bid for his 250th career win in Monday’s 5-3 loss to the Marlins, but inched closer to becoming baseball’s all-time home run [given up] leader.

The fourth-inning jack by Wes Helms gave Moyer 477 for his career, 28 behind Phillies great Robin Roberts’ 505 for the all-time record, which could fall later this season.

“If Moyer gets to 506, baseball purists may put an asterisk by his name in the record books,” said ESPN’s Buster Olney. “There’s no doubt that his totals were inflated by steroid use, even if Moyer wasn’t the one actually taking them.”

Moyer has surrendered a slew of home runs to outed and suspected steroid users over the years including Manny Ramirez (10), Alex Rodriguez (6), Barry Bonds (5), Rafael Palmeiro (5), Brady Anderson (5), Juan Gonzalez (4) and Lenny Dykstra (1).

Meanwhile, Roberts was lit up by a far more respectable bunch, including Duke Snider (19), Hank Aaron (9),  Jackie Robinson (9) and the ever-dangerous Wally Moon (9).

“I can’t help that every record nowadays has steroids attached to it,” said Moyer. “Did a lot of my home runs come from the bats of known steroid users? Yes. Could I allow 500 home runs without them? Probably.”

Phils complete Marlins sweep as Victorino fuels awkward leadoff controversy

April 27, 2009 by Zaki  
Filed under Phillies

Shane Victorino  reached base three times and drove in four runs from the leadoff spot, helping the Phillies to their third straight win and a series sweep over the first place Marlins.

Jimmy Rollins was given his second day off this season as he battles through an early season slump. The 2007 NL MVP’s hitting woes and Victorino’s recent hot streak will give Charlie Manuel a tough decision in the coming days of who will bat in the leadoff spot for the reigning World Champions.

“Jimmy’s been our leadoff guy  for a while now and the focus is just on getting him going,” Manuel said. “Luckily our next series is with the Nats, so we could throw the pitcher up top and it wouldn’t matter anyway.”