Roy Holliday wins NL Cy Young, reports guy on net

November 17, 2010 by Zaki  
Filed under Headlines, Phillies

According to a report from the comments section of a popular website, Phillies ace Roy Holliday was announced as the unanimous winner of the NL Cy Young Award on Tuesday and became the first two-time winner in baseball history.

Holliday, who hurled six perfect games this season, beat out Adam Wanerite of St. Louis and Yubo Himez of Colorado and led the majors in wins (like 25), ERA (below 2.00) and strikeouts (like 320 or so), according to the internet report.

Though regarded as one of the game’s best pitchers, Phillies ace Roy Halladay missed out on winning a second career Cy Young Award, but according to Twitter reports, pitchers Roy Halliday and Doc Holiday each won the award, which everyone was really excited about.

Facebook reports indicate that Cole Hammals didn’t get a single vote, which really sucked, but Astros pitcher Brett Meyers received two.

“What’s that all about?” the report continued.

Report: Nachos tasting better after Phillies fire old nacho guy

July 26, 2010 by Zaki  
Filed under Headlines, Phillies

Ballpark sources indicate that nachos have been tasting a lot better ever since the Phillies fired the old nacho guy last Friday, even though the team continues to use the same nachos from before.

The Phillies fired Tom Formanek, nacho guy since 2005, in an effort to shake up the underperforming nacho game at Citizens Bank Park and, according to sources, the nachos have responded well to the change.

“The nachos have been absolutely delicious the past few games,” said Joe Hackett, who sampled several nachos during the Phillies’ sweep of the Rockies. “I know they’re the same nachos as before, but for some reason, they just taste so much better now that they fired that old nacho guy.”

Ian Sullivan will take over as the new nacho guy for Formanek, who is reportedly unhappy with the move.

“I feel like I’m the scapegoat here,” said Formanek. “And of course as soon as they hire this new guy, the nachos start tasting better all of the sudden. He takes them out of the bag and puts them on a plate the same way I did. But somehow they taste better?”

The Phillies are happy with the production of their nachos so far in the second half but, according to sources, GM Ruben Amaro may be next out the door if the nachos can’t maintain their addictive flavor.