Raul Ibanez caught using performance-enhancing Nationals

Phillies outfielder Raul Ibanez admitted Friday to using “a number of different” performance-enhancing Nationals over the past three days in an effort to snap out of his recent 0-35 slump.

Ibanez went 8-for-12 in this past series with two home runs and five RBI and the rumors started to fly about whether the 38-year-old’s sudden boost in production was related to PEN use.

“I just want to apologize to my teammates and my family for foolishly trying to use performance-enhancing Nats just to inflate my stats,” said Ibanez, who attributes his recent power surge to a PEN called Lannan and another named Marquis. “I wanted to prove that I could still play at a high level and instead of doing it the right way, I started using Nats. It was a dumb thing to do.”

Some reports estimate that as many as 90% of current major leaguers use PENs to help with on-field performance. Though Major League Baseball has done very little to combat this issue, Congress may soon get involved to stop PEN use by contracting the embarrassment of a franchise from the league.