Several Phillies caught panhandling for offensive help
Updated: September 3, 2009

By Zaki,

A small group of downtrodden Phillies gathered outside of Citizens Bank Park on Thursday to beg for hitting tips to help them through recent hard times at the plate.

Raul Ibanez, who batted .193 with four RBIs in 24 August games, seemed to be the most aggressive among the group of panhandlers.

“Please, I’ll take anything you got right now,” Ibanez said nervously scratching his neck. “You’re telling me you can’t spare a bunt single? Not even a Texas-Leaguer? I know you at least have a couple nubbers you can give me. I’m desperate, baby.”

While Jayson Werth just ended a very productive August in which he hit .284 with seven homers, most of that production has come with the Phils already in the lead or with no one on base.

The All-Star rightfielder joined Ibanez for much of the day outside the ballpark trying to wash car windows for spare clutch hits.

“Most people just told me to [expletive] off,” Werth said. “I just hope  they never have to deal with not knowing where or when your next clutch RBI is going to come. It’s a hopeless feeling.”

Zaki is the Chief Rocka and senior writer for

One Response to “Several Phillies caught panhandling for offensive help”

  1. skylar on September 5th, 2009 10:06 pm

    Where’s Lidge in the picture?

    Even as inconsistent as Ibanez has been in the 2nd half, Lidge has all but disappeared from his ’08 form.

    Can we trade Lidge for a cheesecake? I think we’d get the better end of the deal!!!

    Lidge is blowing more saves than Mesa used to!! and at least with Mesa, we weren’t going anywhere; whereas with Lidge we’re STILL in a pennant race and can NOT afford his crap game after game!!

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