My freakishly swollen hand is fine, says Victorino
Updated: November 3, 2009

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After getting hit on the hand by an A.J. Burnett fastball in the first inning, many are wondering if Shane Victorino will be ready to play for the Phillies in Game 6. Victorino says that he will be ready to play, and that his freakishly swollen hand is fine.

“My hand is completely fine,” said Victorino, as he removed it from a bucket of ice water. “This amount of swelling is normal for me after any game. I just happened to get hit by a 93 mile-per-hour fastball, so everybody is freaking out. But I assure you, I am more than OK and will be able to play in Game 6.”

Victorino said he may be a bit delirious from the amount of pain medication he is on, but he is very persistent in his claims that he will be ready to go tomorrow night.

“It’s the World Series. I don’t care if my hand looks like a balloon, that it turned these funny colors or that my middle and ring fingers are currently not functioning. I’m going to be out there.”

Andy is a contributor to and the editor and sole writer for the sports satire and parody blog Real Fake Sports.

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