Ibanez homers again, adding to suspicion that he’s not human
Updated: June 12, 2009

By , PhillyGameday.com

Raul Ibanez crushed a three-run homer in the top of the 10th inning to finish off the Mets 6-3 on Thursday, but his recent power surge is starting to raise eyebrows around the blogosphere.

Though it was originally suggested that Ibanez’s numbers were steroid-aided, his statistics are now being manipulated to imply that he is not actually human. Well-respected bloggers have indicated that he may be a cyborg assassin sent from the future to destroy the souls of Mets fans before they all turn into unbearable douchebags come September.

“If you’ll just take a look at some of the amazing stats I’ve compiled here, you’ll see that I’m trying to insinuate that Ibanez is cheating by being a robot, but I’ve left myself just enough wiggle room to backtrack and act like I’m his biggest fan,” writes an anonymous blogger from the wack-looking Midwest Tools blog. “It’s the most honorable stance to take as a respected blogger, plus ESPN was dumb enough to have me on as some kind of expert, so it was pretty much a win-win for me.”

Ibanez didn’t take kindly to the accusations and even went so far as to leave a flaming bag of his stool on the blogger’s doorstep for testing.

“Roger Maris turned into Babe Ruth when he put on a Yankee uniform but no one thought anything of it,” said Ibanez. “I’m just out there having a good time, playing hard and doing my job. It’s just kind of a dick thing to do to start trouble where there is none to begin with.”

EDITOR’S NOTE: PhillyGameday.com would like to remind the viewing public that we live in a society where you are innocent until proven guilty and that we should leave the PED suspicion to the real jackasses of the game like Alex Rodriguez and Roger Clemens. Raul Ibanez is a stand up guy and should be treated as such. If he’s found guilty of PED use, this website will be the first to jump on him and treat him like unwanted, shit-stained draws, but seriously . . . find something else to write about in the meantime.

Zaki is the Chief Rocka and senior writer for PhillyGameday.com and thinks you should hurry up and follow the site on Twitter and Facebook before it's too late.

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