The Phillies are in serious trouble right now, by Joey Bagadonuts
Updated: April 19, 2010

By , Columnist

Raul Ibanez can’t hit, Kendrick can’t get anyone out, the Marlins just showed they can beat us, the Braves are right on our tails, Moyer’s old as hell, Jimmy Rollins is hurt, Lidge is stinking it up in the minors and won’t be able to close, Danys Baez and David Herndon can’t hold a lead, J.A. Happ and Joe Blanton are missing starts, Chase Utley stopped hitting homers, the Cardinals have Albert Pujols, Placido Polanco’s average is below .400, nobody’s stealing bases, fans are projectile vomiting on little girls, I still don’t trust Cole Hamels and I’m worried about what’s gonna happen with this team.

One of the first things the Phillies need to do is bench Raul and give Ben Francisco a chance out there. We should be able to trade Raul for some bullpen help, which is what we need anyway. I just don’t know why Charlie keeps putting him in the lineup when he stinks like this. I’m pretty sure Domonic Brown is ready by now. Why don’t we bring him up to take Raul’s place? What’s the hold up here?

The Marlins and Braves are seriously on our ass in the NL East and I think it’s gonna be a serious battle the whole year and there’s a chance we could miss the playoffs. The Marlins just beat us in two out of three games and even though the Braves are hitting .233 as a team right now, when they get going, they’re gonna be dangerous with the pitching staff they have. I just don’t feel right about our chances right now.

There are so many other things we need to fix before we can consider ourselves a real contender in the National League. I’m as optimistic as they come, but I’m freaking out right now. I know we’re only 12 games into the season, but if this isn’t time to hit the panic button, then when is?

As a life-long fan of Philly sports, Joey Bagadonuts is the perfect representative of the entire city and a regular caller of every sports talk radio station in the area. As such, he is more than qualified to write this column and hurl insults back at you if you don't like what he says.

One Response to “The Phillies are in serious trouble right now, by Joey Bagadonuts”

  1. Win on May 24th, 2010 1:19 am

    I think I have found the solution to our pitching woes. We get a pitcher from Japan, but not just any pitcher a knucleballer, who is 5ft tall and female. I say give Eri Yoshida a roster spot. Sure its not going to improve the pitching staff, but it will make the fact that we send out Moyers and Kendrick every five days seem comparatively more rational.

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