Boldin to Eagles talks stall after revelation that the WR may actually improve team

April 16, 2009 by Zaki  
Filed under Eagles

The Arizona Cardinals announced Wednesday that they are willing to listen to trade offers for their Pro Bowl wide receiver Anquan Boldin. The Eagles were rumored to be interested in Boldin, but the team’s interest may be dying because of the wideout’s hefty price tag and the unfortunate, yet inevitable rise in the standings they may experience as a result of acquiring him.

“The Eagles are a business…and it wouldn’t make sense for us to put a better team on the field when we’re selling out every game,” said Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie. “It’s sickening to think about throwing away money on a guy like Boldin just to win a Super Bowl…yeah…see…I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”

The division rival New York Giants are another team interested in Boldin’s services to fill the void left by the release of Plaxico Burress earlier this month. Several media outlets also have the Giants close to acquiring Browns wide receiver Braylon Edwards.

“With the Redskins going out and getting [Albert] Haynesworth, the Cowboys improving their team ten-fold by dropping [Terrell] Owens and if the Giants pull off a trade for one of these wide receivers, we might be in trouble in our division,” said Brian Westbrook. “I know that letting Dawk, Tra and Runyan go, stocking up on 12 draft picks and maintaining all that cap space is all a part of the plan, though. That means they’re just setting up to make a big move here at some point…right?”

Eagles show interest in non-controversial wide receiver just to mess with everybody

April 10, 2009 by Zaki  
Filed under Eagles

The Eagles are looking into somehow acquiring Greg Jennings from the Packers in response to the Birds’ association with every headline grabbing, malcontent wide receiver in the country from Anquan Boldin and Braylon Edwards to Plaxico Burress and now the Bengals’ Chad Ocho Cinco.

ESPN’s Michael Smith reported this week that the Bengals may try to move Ocho Cinco since not one person left in the city can take someone seriously that legally changed his name to the wrong way to say “eighty-five” in Spanish.

The Eagles have surfaced as a possible destination for yet another one of the NFL’s attention whores due to Eight Five’s close relationship with Donovan McNabb, the amount of cap room the Eagles are hoarding like coins in Scrooge McDuck’s Money Bin and the availability of their first round draft picks. However, the Greg Jennings rumors may put an end to any chance of seeing Eight Five in green this season.

“We are intrigued by what Jennings could bring to the table for us,” Andy Reid said. “He’s more of the wide receiver you want to bring home to mother…not the one you want to choke the life out of. It would definitely be a very refreshing change for us.”

Eagles won’t go after Burress; suitors likely the usual Cowboys, Bengals

April 5, 2009 by Zaki  
Filed under Eagles

A source close to the Eagles told that the team will not pursue recently released wide receiver Plaxico Burress. In fact, the only two teams that haven’t violently rejected the notion of signing the troubled wideout are the NFL’s resident ‘Special Ed’ teams, the Cowboys and Bengals.

Burress is currently awaiting trial for shooting himself in the leg four months ago in a New York City Nightclub. The court case was recently adjourned while everyone decides whether to throw him in the stocks or just hand him the “Most Outrageous Way to End Your Promising Football Career and Screw Yourself Out of Millions’ award and be done with it — though, it may be Michael Vick’s trophy to lose.

The Eagles still remain interested in acquiring either Braylon Edwards or Anquan Boldin, but Burress was officially dropped from consideration after about six whole seconds of thought by head coach Andy Reid.

“I gave it some thought…I really did,” said Reid, referring to signing the former Super Bowl hero. “It was a tough one, but it didn’t take nearly as long as the eight seconds I actually thought about checking in with the treadmill now and then. Both might help the team out in the long-run…but right now, I just don’t see either goin’ down.”

5-Hour Energy junkie Braylon Edwards drawing interest from Eagles

March 25, 2009 by Zaki  
Filed under Eagles

Once word got out that the Cleveland Browns tried to trade WR Braylon Edwards to the Giants, several teams hopped into the mix to try and land the 5-Hour Energy pitch man. The Eagles are said to be one of the teams interested in the wideout, but they have shown concern over Edwards’ tendency to drop passes.

“We would have to make sure he’s ready to turn the corner and limit the drops.” said Andy Reid. “He’s got loads of potential, but we’ve got enough ball-droppers to last us ’til the cows come home.”

We caught up with Edwards after the news broke about a potential trade and learned that he has been battling a fairly serious addiction to the 5-Hour Energy drinks he promotes.

“I had no idea how bad it would affect my performance on the field,” said a twitching, nervous-looking Edwards knocking down another shot. “The dropped passes, the lack of focus…it was all because of this stuff. The worst part is they tastes like a mixture of swamp-ass juice and bile…but I can’t stop drinking the damned things. Someone please help me.”