Gross error shows Brian Dawkins on incorrect Pro Bowl roster

December 30, 2009 by Zaki  
Filed under Eagles, Headlines

NFL Pro Bowl rosters were released on Tuesday and it appears someone made a huge mistake: Brian Dawkins is currently being listed on the AFC Pro Bowl roster, when he should be listed on the NFC roster as a representative from the Eagles.

“Someone f-ked up, big time,” NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said on Wednesday. “I have no idea how someone could make that kind of a mistake, but we’re investigating the matter and will find who is responsible.”

This current mistake could be related to a series of blunders following Dawkins this season that has the Eagles safety wearing a Denver Broncos jersey and playing on the road with the Broncos rather than with his Eagles teammates.

“It’s all one big mix up and it’s obvious someone didn’t do their job very well,” said Dawkins. “I wouldn’t pay it any mind, though. I’m an Eagle and I’ll always be an Eagle and that’s all that matters.”

To cheer or not to cheer for Dawkins? That is the (dumb) question

December 22, 2009 by Zaki  
Filed under Analysis & Opinions

In terms of fan decorum, It’s a no-brainer and the only reason I’m even writing this is because the question is being posed around town: Of course you cheer for Brian Dawkins’ return to the Linc and any Eagles fan that bought a ticket to the game and doesn’t de-ass themselves from their seat should be tossed…from life…immediately.

There’s no possible way to justify letting Dawk go while you take a chance and sign Michael Vick. It’s because of this that cheering on number 20 is just as much a snub to the Eagles front office as it is a “thank you” to the man that represents the Eagles franchise as much as anyone in history.

I’m sure that if the game is close in the fourth quarter and Dawk levels Donovan McNabb to force a fourth down, you may not hear too many cheers outta folks, but this is sports. We watch this stuff for entertainment and for a lot of people, following a favorite player trumps following the team as a whole. I could certainly understand people’s loyalty to the man, even if he’s now playing for the other side.

Hopefully the Birds will stuff the Broncos early so everyone can cheer on Dawk guilt-free for the entire game, though.

Boldin to Eagles talks stall after revelation that the WR may actually improve team

April 16, 2009 by Zaki  
Filed under Eagles

The Arizona Cardinals announced Wednesday that they are willing to listen to trade offers for their Pro Bowl wide receiver Anquan Boldin. The Eagles were rumored to be interested in Boldin, but the team’s interest may be dying because of the wideout’s hefty price tag and the unfortunate, yet inevitable rise in the standings they may experience as a result of acquiring him.

“The Eagles are a business…and it wouldn’t make sense for us to put a better team on the field when we’re selling out every game,” said Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie. “It’s sickening to think about throwing away money on a guy like Boldin just to win a Super Bowl…yeah…see…I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”

The division rival New York Giants are another team interested in Boldin’s services to fill the void left by the release of Plaxico Burress earlier this month. Several media outlets also have the Giants close to acquiring Browns wide receiver Braylon Edwards.

“With the Redskins going out and getting [Albert] Haynesworth, the Cowboys improving their team ten-fold by dropping [Terrell] Owens and if the Giants pull off a trade for one of these wide receivers, we might be in trouble in our division,” said Brian Westbrook. “I know that letting Dawk, Tra and Runyan go, stocking up on 12 draft picks and maintaining all that cap space is all a part of the plan, though. That means they’re just setting up to make a big move here at some point…right?”

Report: Buckhalter news first of many former Eagle bombshells; L.J. on deck

March 20, 2009 by Zaki  
Filed under Eagles

It turns out that the recent accusation by a local drug dealer that former Eagles runningback Correll Buckhalter was one of his clients will be the first of many scandalous nuggets the Eagles will disclose in the coming weeks about their former players. According to a source close to the Eagles, the list includes Brian Dawkins, L.J. Smith, Tra Thomas and that part-time guy that got fired for no damn reason will be named in a potentially damaging report detailing sketchy behavior that was often covered up by the organization.

“I can’t say much at the moment but more will be known in the coming days,” the source told “I will say that we’re close to releasing a story about L.J. Smith’s addiction to Guitar Hero that led to his complete separation from reality and any awareness that he was actually a member of the National Football League and the Phildelphia Eagles for the past several years.”

UPDATE: The Eagles have released a statement noting that former Eagles safety Brian Dawkins was, in fact, born with trace amounts of the metal adamantium throughout his skeletal system. The report goes on to say that there was actually zero effort to keep the future Hall of Famer in Philadelphia and that Eagles President Joe Banner’s constant lying has actually caused his penis to invert to the point where he is now medically an extremely fugly chic.

Outrage over loss of beloved Philly sports icon drives Buckhalter to regret deal

March 1, 2009 by Zaki  
Filed under Eagles

Former Eagles tailback Correll Buckhalter released a statement today expressing his regret over signing a 4-year deal with the Broncos after hearing the outcry from Philly fans saddened and angered by the loss of a long-time Eagle.

“I had no idea the fans cared about me this much,” said Buckhalter in his statement. “After I signed the deal, I heard something on the news about ‘Philly fans in uproar after sports icon leaves for Denver, details at 11′ and I knew immediately I made a huge mistake.”

The new Bronco was later told that the news story was actually referring to13-year veteran safety Brian Dawkins, who had also signed with the Broncos, and not about himself. When reached for comment, Buckhalter said he would make sure to “stick around for those details at 11″ the next time around.

The loss of the Eagles heart and soul has left a void in the core of every Eagles fan and a several trillion four-letter words in the ears of Eagles management.

“They don’t even have the right to be called the Eagles anymore the way they’ve disgraced this franchise,” said disgruntled Eagles fan Angelo Formerfanelli. “They should be called the Fake-Eagles, or Feagles, or Wannabeagles.”